Talking to Teens
I had a great talk with my 16 year old son, Shawn yesterday on our way to the camp he is working at.
Shawn and I were talking about choices and consequences. Sometimes I am amazed by the childishness of my teens, but this time I was amazed by the wisdom.
Shawn has told me many times that he has chosen not to date until he is old enough to be seriously thinking about marriage. So far he is the only one of my oldest three who have gone this route, and it isn’t easy. Shawn has many girls who are friends, and a lot have asked him to go out with them, but he always tells them no.
I told him that is one way to avoid the heartache that can come from dating and breaking up- the way the world dates. He told me that there is still heart ache this way.
After I thought about it, I think I got what he was saying.
The heart ache that comes this way can make it hard to stick to what you believe is right- waiting on God and His timing.
The peer pressure to date (by this I mean the way the world dates- one relationship after another) is very great. Dating now is so different than it was when I was younger.
According to some teens I know, it sometimes involves sharing dates- going out with one, but being just as intimate and close to the friends of the one you are dating.
This makes me think of how important it is to remind our kids of God’s instructions for them as young people.
2 Timothy 2:22
“Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
Teaching them the principles in the world can be a touchy subject. We don’t want to preach at them, but we do want to and need to talk to them. I have many friends who say their teens won’t talk to them. I have found with my own teens that talking has to be their idea, in a way.
By it being their idea, I mean that parents need to be able to understand the openings that are provided to talk.
Car trips are great, because they can’t walk away and are more likely to feel comfortable if it is just the two of you talking with no chance of interuptions.
Another time I have found that all of my older kids have been open, is late at night…so late that I would almost always be sleeping. Both my husband and I have had our share of late night talks with our teens, and it always worked out that they were wanting to talk.
Another way to tell if they want to talk, is if they say things like “Today really sucked!”,
or “Wow, I had a great day!”
I have found openings like this are the norm. One key I have found in getting them to talk, is to listen.
Sounds so simple, but is not so easy. As a mom I want to tell them how to fix things, or let them know what they did was wrong.
I have had practice with 2 adult children, who told me things that shocked me, but I was able to retain my cool and act like it was all ok.
That is why they are all able to talk to me- I am not easily shocked by them- at least outwardly.
I also decided that when they choose to confide in me, I will not preach at them about the right way, or chastise them for their mistakes. I will, however, pray with them if they want, and encourage them that all of us go through similar things. I htink this has been key for us keeping communication lines open. Dan has a similar way of letting them talk.
One thing we won’t do though, is keep things from eachother, and our kids know that. If one of them confides in me and says “Please don’t tell dad”‘ I tell them they will have a day or two to tell him themselves, but after that I will tell him. We do not keep secrets from eachother, and often we discuss our talks with the kids and come up with a prayer strategy together.
Communication with teens is possible, and if you pray you will have wisdom in talking to your teens.
teens, talking to teens, parenting teens, communitcating with teens
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