Parenting and Religion

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, so for the next couple of days, I will be writing about Domestic Violence.

When there is violence in the home, children are effected in one way or another. If they witness physical violence, or experience being abused themselves, they will not only be physically hurt, but will carry emotional scars with them into adulthood. Children who are abused and children who witness abuse, are more likely to become abusers themselves.
Some children who live with violent situations will act out. They could display it in their inability to communicate effectively, poor concentration, developmental delays, fear and nightmares. They may be unable to interact well with children of the same age. (For more on the effects of abuse on children, read “The Effects of Domestic Violence On Children“.
Every family has arguments and disagreements. How do we teach our children to fight fair, and not use violence in their arguments?
There are rules you can establish to prevent things from getting out of control.
Here are some examples:
1) No name calling.
2) No physical force- pushing, shoving, hitting- all of these are abusive and must be forbidden in an argument.
3) No one can storm out of the house in anger. They may go to another room, but must remain until they have cooled down.
4) When there is an argument, there must be an obvious end to it. Making up, or coming to an agreement of some sort. This will enable everyone to go on without fear of it coming up again.
We have established these rules in our house, and they do work well. Of course kids will try to fight unfair, and it is up to us to set an example of how to disagree without being mean and violent.
If parents will set the tone for the home, the children will usually follow. Telling kids,”Daddy and I don’t hit each other, you can’t either!”, will go a long way. Be the example. Set the tone for non-violent arguing. If things are too tense in the home, and your children do act out, re-evaluate and change some rules.
Being strict about being kind to everyone is good.
Be honest when you are wrong. If you act on emotion, or say something you shouldn’t to your spouse, or a child- admit it. Ask forgiveness, and change your behavior.
As parents, we must show them how to live. Living non-violently is a great way to begin.

Read: Psychological Domestic Violence, for information on what it is.

domestic violence, preventing domestic violence, abuse, children and violence

I couldn’t resist using this video when I saw it. It reminded me of my dad. He always said he would never change a diaper, maybe this is why.

I wanted to share this with all you moms who feel like you are always repeating yourself. Each day brings the same things to deal with, all over again. Anita Renfroe has put all the necessary things we say to music- listen well.

How do you respond to a child (or anyone for that matter), who says they don’t feel well, or they got hurt somehow, or they are having a bad day?
I know what my first response should be, prayer.
But usually I look for a tangible, physical way to help them feel better.
This is something I am working on. I want my first response in any situation to be prayer.
I guess I have the “Martha Syndrome”. I see the service oriented thing I can do to help, when really I need to be more like MAry, and be at the feet of Jesus.
Dan almost always responds to any situation with “Let’s Pray”.
When one of the kids gets a headache, he is laying hands on them to pray, and I am running for the Tylenol. (though I do say “amen” when he finishes…at least I agree with the prayer)
A few weeks ago, Andy (4) got a boo-boo on his leg. He was crying, so went to get the bandaids, cleaned it up, bandaged it, and kissed it. He was still crying. I kissed it again.
He looked at me and said “NO mommy, pray!”
Even my 4 year old knows prayer helps more than anything else.
I guess this is one of the lessons I need to learn and practice.
Pray.
When they feel ill, pray.
When they get hurt, pray.
When they are in a rotten mood, pray.
(then get the Tylenol)

So often it seems like when kids want to help us with something, we are in a hurry. We just know that they would slow us down, and we would end up having more work to do- which is not exactly our goal.

How often do we push them away, or tell them “maybe later”, and later never comes?
Letting them help builds character, in them and in us. It gives them a sense of self worth, and helps them feel good about being able to contribute. For us it fosters a closeness we would have them in no other way. It helps us see side of their personalities that may be hidden from us most of the time, and it helps us to see what gifts they may have.
God has a plan for each of us, even children.

It is our job, as Christian parents, to seek out the gifts they have and help them use them for the Glory of God.
I know when I have a small child standing on a stool beside me as I wash dishes- it seems to take twice as long to get the job done. But I also know that the times I have been patient enough and let them wash a few things, the child in question has come away feeling like they did their part in helping the family, and I came away knowing I had a part in them feeling good and finding a way they can help.

If you have young children who are eager to help, there are easy things they can begin with. Vacuuming is a great one. It is easy, and kids love to use the hose. If they have a set of “Cool Tools”, you could give them a broken chair or some such thing, and ask them to try to fix it. (My boys try to fix unbroken things- so watch out!)
Setting and clearing the dinner table is a wonderful way they can help.
Emptying trash from the bathroom, or even making their own bed is also a great way for kids to help. As they get older, they will know that doing things around the house is for the whole family, not just mom and dad.

For more on incorporating the family to help, read http://www.momisteaching.com/cooking-cleaning-and-learning/, by Summer Minor.
For more on discovering the gifts and talents in your children, see my blog titled “Bringing Them Up“.

Yesterday we went to pick out a replacement lizard. I think it is a girl, but we can’t tell for sure…(not up on lizard sexuality). Danny said I could name it, so I named it June Carter Cash, figuring maybe Johnny wouldn’t be so lonely now.
One of the boys decided to pick our cat, Jewel, up to show her the lizards. Now she won’t leave them alone. She sits by the aquarium watching for any little movement. There are also crickets crawling around in there, so she is really entertained.
Enough about us.
Last night I was talking to my mom, and she told me that my Aunt and Uncle’s cat had gotten hit by a car. When Uncle Fred called Aunt Lynn at work to tell her, it was hard, because they really loved that cat. When Lynn got home from work, they got a box ready for the cat. They even had the cat’s name on the top of the box. Then they went out and had a little funeral, buried the cat, and placed a marker on the grave.
A little while went by, and they were in thier house, still crying about the cat- when their cat walked in!
The cat they buried was NOT their cat, but someone else’s.
How happy, and how sad. They have their cat, and someone else’s cat has a very nice grave with a beautiful casket.

Last night, crash died. We only had him for 2 days, and he died.
Danny took it well, considering Crash was his pet.
I could tell he wanted to cry, but he didn’t. I thinkit was because his older brothers (21 and 16) were here, and he thought he might look silly crying over a lizard.
I could tell though, he was sad.
Moms always know.
But moms don’t always know how to handle it. I told him it was ok for him to be sad, and that we will callthe pet store today to get him another one.
He is happy to be getting another one, but he still wouldn’t admit he was sad.
He was doing the rubbing his eyes and smiling thing he does when he is trying not to cry- so I know he really was sad.
Lizards are fun to watch, and they seem to watchus while we watch them. I hope we will get one that stays alive for a while…I don’t want to have to keep replacing lizards.
For now, Johnny Cash is ok, hopefully he won’t die too.
Joe and Shawn were singing “Holsom Prison Blues” to him last night.
Maybe because of his name he will like living here and stick around.

I got a phone call from a good friend yesterday. When I answered I heard “Do you know there is a sexual predator on your street?”
I told her I check regularly with the registry and hadn’t seen one listed. I went to the web and looked it up, and sure enough, there is one 3 houses down from me.
He must have moved in recently, because I look at the registry every couple of months.
I want to encourage parents to know who your neighbors are. We live in an area where there are a lot of rentals, so there is always someone moving in or out.
I let my kids ride their bikes up and down the street. I have told them to watch out for the older blind man so they don’t run over him. Now I will have to tell them that he may be the predator.
What is really scary, is that this guy was arrested and convicted at the age of 68, and he is now 77- and my kids can’t offer respect to him as an older man- they have to avoid him as a threat.
I am glad there is such a thing as the sex offender registry.
Here is the link so you can check out your own neighborhood:
http://www.familywatchdog.us/
Use wisdom, and keep your children safe.

I just joined blogrush to get more traffic to my blog.

Yesterday we added to our family. “Johnny Cash”, and “Crash” now live in an aqaurium in my dining room. Danny and Troy bought the lizards with their own money. The aquarium was given to them, and they bought everything the critters need. This type of lizard is called the “Green Anole”. We were told they would each eat about 6 crickets a week, so we bought a dozen. Crash ate mopre than half of them already. Now, anyone who knows me, knows I am not exactly a critter lover…far from it. I was getting a little sick to my stomach in the pet store, thinking about having to look at these things and their dinner….but I knew it meant a lot to the boys.
I am used to them now, but I will NOT pick them up. They are creepy, and they are fast.
But, they are fun to watch, and they are comical.
I guess I can live with them, as long as they don’t escape from their home.
If that happens, I am going on a trip, till they are found. (Mom?? Did you hear that?- Be ready for me!!)

Last night one of my kids asked me when fall begins. I happily told him “only 5 more days!”
He was excited, in part because of our family fall activities, and in part because after fall comes winter, and with winter comes Christmas.
One of the first fun and educational things (we don’t tell the kids it is educational though) we do, is visit General Herkimer’s home in Little Falls NY, about 10 miles away from our home. This is an extended family fun time. Dan’s dad, sisters, and brother’’s family usually go too, so there are a lot of us. We get to see Re-inactments of muzzelloading and battle, tour General Nicholas Herkimer’s home, go on horse drawn wagon rides, learn how to make corn husk dolls, and play with toys from the period represented. (late 1700’s-early1800’s).
Another fun fall thing we do is visit the Adirondack Mountains. We usually climb Mt. McCauly, and ride down the ski lift. The view from the top is spectacular. There are deer that come right up to us, and the kids think it is awesome. (so do I though!)
We are also going to visit a cider mill and go through a corn maze. We have been to a cider mill before and seen cider pressed, but we have never been to a corn maze.
Now I am getting myself excited about all of our upcoming adventures.

My kids love to play games. Sometimes when they ask me I am busy, or just plain don’t feel like playing. Then I feel guilty, and end up playing anyhow.
I also end up having fun when I play. I love playing with my kids, and they love it when Dan or I or even better, both of us play with them.
Building a family fun time, making memories- it can seem like a frivolous waste of time- until you look at it for what it really is.
It is building relationship with the whole family. It is making memories that will be carried into adulthood. It is setting a standard that says “Family is more important than other things”.
It enables conversations that might not have otherwise begun.
Playing with our children gives us an “in” with them that might make our relationship a whole new and great thing.
It says “I care about what you want to do”, and “I like being with you”.
Get out the game boards or the playing cards.
Have a game night…it is something the whole family will benefit from.

Proverbs 22:6 (Amplified Bible)
“6Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

As Christian parents it is our job to trainour children in the way they should go. What exactly does this mean?
1) We have to present the Gospel message to them, making sure they know why they need a Savior, and who that Savior is.
2)We are to teach them about God- reminding them of things in the Bible as examples of who He is, how much He loves them, and how to truly live for Him.
3) We are to be living examples of people who love God and are called by His name, letting them see Him evidenced in our daily lives.
4) We need to live what we preach- everyday.

That all sounds like enough to get them on the right track, doesn’t it?
There is more to it than that.
As parents it is our job to see the things in our kids that set them apart from others-the special giftings and talents that God can use in their lives.
When we see things such as a musical ability, or artistic expression, or even cleaning without being asked- these are all things we want to help them cultivate and grow in.
When we have a toddler who does back-flips from the sofa, maybe there is a gymnast waiting to be discovered.
When our 3 year old takes his toys apart to see what they are madeof, maybe thereis engineering ability.
When our 7 year old collect recyclables (trash), and makes beautiful art work from them- maybe there is a sculptor in the future.
When a 12 year old, who has never been musically interested before, suddenly wants to learn an instrument- maybe there is a call to be a worship leader on them.

“And in keeping with his individual gift or bent”- this is key to making sure they are used by God in the way He wants to use them. Look for the special things. Look for the gifts that may not seem so great right now, but when they grow into it- wow!

talent in kids, gifts, parenting, training children, spitirual gifts

2 Timothy 3
Perilous Times and Perilous Men
“1 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! 6 For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, 7 always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

“In the last days” sounds a lot like today.
How do we teach our kids to show the love of God to people without being taken in by rebellious and worldly ways? How do we show the love of God to hurting people, when they want to suck the life out of us, and have only thier own interests in mind?
How do we show the love of God to people who take all they can, and then some more if we will allow it?
These questions were presented to me recently by a woman who has been having the life sucked out of her by a young man who is a taker. He is a mocker of the things of God. He is proud, blasphemous, unthankful, unholy, headstrong…get the picture?
My friend believes that by allowing this guy to stay with her and her kids, and helping him as much as she can, that she is showing him the love of God.
I beg to differ.
What example is it to our kids, if we are taken advantage of?
How are we presenting the Gospel to them if we allow blasphemers to rule our lives?
How does the Bible say we are to act toward such people?
2 Timothy 3:5b.
“And from such people turn away!”
Jesus instructed His disciples to shake the dust off their feet in villages where the Gospel was mocked or rejected.
Why do we, as modern day Christians, think we can do any less then that and win people to God?
Love is misunderstood.
Love does not mean letting someone do anything they want and we put up with it.
Love means showing a better way and speaking the truth. If it is rejected, we go on to the next person.
We are not to let ourselves be controlled by a perverse people.
We are to live with a high standard- one which God set for us.
We are to walk in love, and that means to walk in truth.
We are to show the better way, the way of righeousness.
We are to be lovers of God first, loving others through Him.
Walking in love, walking in truth, walking away when we need to.
That is how our childen will learn how to share the love of God with other… by watching us walking it.

Today is the anniversary of the terrible terrorist attack to our Country.
Seven years ago many people died at the hands of a few men, who were deceived into thinking they were martyr’s…..when in fact they were mass murderers.
My children talk about it a lot, they watched it on TV.
My brother though, he was there. He saw it all from his office across the river from the site of the Twin Towers.
He was one of the people who had to walk many miles to get home.
He then borrowed a car and went out to help others. He gave rides to many people who were walking like he did.
He lost his ability to write…for a long time.
But he had his life.
So many people lost their lives, and more lost their much loved family members.
In my estimation, my brother is one of the unsung heroes.

He could have gone home to be with his wife and son, but he chose to see that others got home to their families.
Frank Troy is a hero. He put others above himself.
He rescued the weary and gave them not only a ride home, but hope that even in the midst of tragedy and terrorism-
there is still good in the world.
Frank is how I want to be.

9/11, september 11 2001, terrorist attacks, heroes, unsung heroes, Frank Troy