Parenting and Religion

As Christian parents, what should we expect from our kids?
According to a Christian radio talk show I heard, (I can’t remember who the host was), we should should expect that kids are going to rebel, that they will experiment with sex, drugs, and alcohol, and that they will try things they know and have been taught are wrong.
This made me so mad, I was hollering at the radio.
Now, I am not ignorant that we live in a real world where there are real problems, and real kids who rebel….
but I am also not ignorant of the fact that God is bigger than that. My Bible tells me (and I believe yours says this too….look in Proverbs 22:6), that if we train children up in the way they should go, they will not depart from it when they are older.
This does not mean they will never question us, and it doesn’t mean that some of them won’t need to learn things the hard way.
But it does mean we should NOT expect them to experiment and rebel, and learn things the hard way. We should expect them to do what they were brought up to know is right.
1 Cor. 13:7b
says love…”is ever ready to believe the best of every person” (Amp.).
If we truly believe the best, we will expect the best. If we expect the best, and our expectation is challenged, we are to still believe the best- and that is that they will come back.
I am not speaking as a parent who has not experienced any challenge to my expectations of my kids, but as one who has experienced seeing a child who was brought up to know the way to go, and has rebelled. I did not expect the rebellion, but I faced it and prayed through it with my husband. We let our child know that we were praying and fasting for him, and we expected him to line up with what he was brought up to know and live. Now we are seeing the fruit of the praying, fasting and expecting….but we are still praying, fasting and expecting all our kids to walk in the way they were brought up to know is right. We are not done yet.
As Christian parents, we have to take the Word of God to mean what it says, and we have to expect the best. It is our responsibility to expect our kids to do their best, be their best, and live their best….in the Lord.
So I will not expect my kids to rebel. I expect them to excell.

Arnold’s Gay Ed. Bill to Be Overturned?

It’s time to pray.

According to Geneology Pointers, by Susan Walsh, October is Family History Month .
Digging into your family history can be a great family project. If you have old photos, or can get some from some family members, they can help introduce your kids to relatives from long ago, far away, or just around the block.
Scrapbooking and journaling are wonderful ways to help preserve family memories, and stories.
If there are grandparents or even great grandparents, who you are able to get information from, it might be fun to have them tell a few stories from when they were kids and record them.
Sharing family memories with children will give them information to be proud of. I remember when we found out that my husband’s family is related to Reverand Brewster, who traveled to America on the Mayflower, the kids were very excited. Then we found out that I also have a relative who came on the Mayflower. I am not sure of the name…(dad?)…but it makes for interesting conversation to speculate as to whether they could have known each other, and possibly have been friends.
Tracking down long lost cousins, finding family through websites such as www.myfamily.com, and finding out things you didn’t know about your family can be fun, but it can also be surprising. I have one relative who was a bigamist ( he had more than one wife, secretly, and fooled them all for a while).
Another story that is going through the family is that my great grandmother got married at the age of 12, the first time she was married. (My sister says she heard it right from the horse’s mouth)
We have had many Bishop’s, nuns, and ministers of one sort or another in our family, as well as all of the philanderers, hobos, and bigamists.
I guess you could say, I have a very colorful family.
Thanks to my dad (Geneologist Fran Troy), I know a lot about my family history.
Thank you dad!

In “‘Mom and Dad’ Banished by California“, a new threat is established toward Christians, and anyone else of traditional values.

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed a law trying to protect gays and in the process discriminating against families of traditional values.
If this is not fought against, and won, the time will be drawing close where people who value their religious freedoms, and their right to hold to traditional values will be forced to pull their kids out of the public sector, and homeschool them- whether they want to or not.
For a law to say that boys can use the girls room, and vice versa; and that anyone voicing their opinion that same sex marriage is wrong can be brought up on harrassment charges is a BIG step in the wrong direction.
It is time to stand up and take notice of what we are becoming as a nation, and what we can do to stop it.
Family values, religious beliefs, mom and dad, husband and wife- these are things worth fighting for. These are things worth praying for.
As Christian parents, it is our job to not only teach our children Biblical lessons, and how to live a Godly life, but also to protect them from a Godless society. There are steps we can take to help.
1) We can become pro-active. Take a stand with your voice, and your actions. Use your opinions and make them public. Volunteer for a political organization that supports your views.
2) Make it clear to your kids when you see things in the news or in the neighborhood that are anti-Christ. Give them sound advice on how to deal with these things, and let them see you dealing with them in a way that glorifies God.
3) Don’t be quiet!!! For too long the church has stood quietly by, waiting for things to change.
Here’s some news…THINGS WON”T CHANGE IF WE DO NOTHING!
4) Pray. Pray with your children, for your children, about your children….
5) The time may come when our voice will be silenced by the law, but right now we still have the right to express our beliefs peacefully. This can be done by writing letters, making phone calls, sending emails, and taking part in peaceful demonstrations.
6)Vote.
It is time for us to stand, and when we have done all to stand, we need to stand some more.

So often people say things to me such as “You must have a lot of patience with all those kids”, or “How do you do it with all those kids?”, or even “I would go insane with that many kids!”.
What people who only have two or three kids don’t realize, is that it gets easier when you have more. Once you have four kids, more is not harder, but easier.
It happens as the oldest kids get older. When I had my fifth baby, my other four were 3, 6, 8, and 10. The oldest ones were well able, and eager to help.
I remember the most they fought over was “it’s my turn to hold the baby, you held him first last time!”
Now, my kids are almost 5,7,10,13,16,19,and 21. They are really good friends with each other (most of the time). As I am writing this post, I am listening to Rachel (13) read a book to Andy (4). How wonderful to see them love each other.
I know I am blessed, and my prayer for them, among other things, is that they will always be close to each other. They will always have each other, and I want them to rely on and enjoy their relationship as siblings.
God put us all together in a family because He wanted us together. What a blessing to see Him at work in them. Sharing time together, reading together, playing, and doing chores. All things a faimly does together.
Time goes by so fast, and kids grow up and move on.
I want to remember all the sounds of my happy family- even when they don’t sound so happy (not as often as the happy sounds, Thank God!).

For something fun to do with the whole family, check this out:
Marcie, “Discussing Autism” blogger, has a great post about making playdough. What a wonderful family activity.

“A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up.
as the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope,
he asked, “Do you think I’ll find Big Bird in here?” The
little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue
depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, “Do
you think I’ll find the Cookie Monster down there?”
Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a
stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart
beat, he asked, “Do you think I’ll hear Barney in there?”
“Oh, no!” the little girl replied. “Jesus is in my heart.
Barney’s on my underpants.”

( http://www.teachingheart.net/funny.html#A%20WISE%20LITTLE)

Fall is a wonderful time of year to consider creating winter family traditions. With the coldness here in the northeast making it necessary to be indoors a lot, (at least for us non-skiing, cold hating people), doing fun things inside gets us through winter- without going stir crazy.
Board games and card games have been a favorite thing for us to do when we are inside for long periods of time. Having Rummy tournaments, playing monopoly, uno, checkers, boggle, and any other game we have access to is good family fun.
We also have a Christmas Cookie day every year. We all do cut out sugar cookies, and decorate them together. I make 4 colors of rosting, and we put lots of candy on them- yummy. I make a few other kinds myself, and then we make gifts out of them for some of our elderly friends.
Another fun thing we do, is scrapbook. I give each of the kids a few pictures, and their own page of scrapbook paper. We use stickers and stencils to enhance our pages, and then put them in the scrapbook.
Movie nights can be fun for everyone. There are many movies that are family friendly. We watched “Evan Almighty” last night. Good movie, good popcorn, good fun.
Another thing we do every year, is cut down our own Christmas tree. The kids love it. The place we go has a warming fire for all the customers to get warm by, and they serve hot chocolate after you ahve sut down your tree. The wagon ride back with the tree saves a lot of walking, and is a lot of fun.

For more ideas on having family fun in the winter, visit Fun Winter Links.
To read more about family times, visit the blog Parenting Under The Stars, by Ellen Hawkins. Ellen has a lot of great ideas on doing things as a family, and enjoying time together.

When you are in the checkout line at the grocery store and your child asks for something, such as candy, how do they react if you say “No”?
I must be honest, and say that I have had every reaction from “OK Mommy”, to having to pick a tantrum throwing child up off the floor.
Once my child has thrown a tantrum though, they usually won’t do it again. I have been known to leave a store, take the child home, and go back for my groceries- a pain, but it works. If I had more than one child with me when the tantrum happened, I either bring the others back with me and buy them a candy, or bring candy home with me for all of them, except the one who threw the tantrum.
It may sound mean, but it is effective.
In my earlier parenting years, (20 years ago), I would have felt flustered and embarassed- now I would feel like it is a normal thing to deal with. My kids have broke me in I guess. In my earlier years, I would also have given in to the demands of the child, just to shut them up. Now I wouldn’t.
It is amazing how we are told to train our children up, but it also works the other way around. We learn from our mistakes, so in a large family, the kids that come later have it easier in some ways (I am not as strict in some areas), and harder in other ways (I know the tricks of manipulation they can try). So I guess in some ways they have trained me up.
As a parent, the gimmees don’t have as much power over me as they once did. (At least I like to think they don’t).
If you want a good laugh on how to apply children’s tantrum throwing techniques, watch this (funny):
For more parenting information, read about what You Need To Read.

I went to pick up the little girl I babysit from school today, and was met with a frown. She said “Josh (her step-father) was supposed to pick me up today.” I asked if she was disappointed, and she said “Yes!” with a frown.
This is the first time I have ever seen her sad. She is one of those happy, bouncy giggly kids, who everyone loves to have around- but she was not happy, or bouncy, or giggly when she saw me today.
After I put her in the van and buckled her up, I told her we were going to where her mommy works, so she could see her for a minute. That brought a smile. All of a sudden, the giggles were back, and she was bouncing in her seat. I asked her if that makes her happy . She said, with a huge smile on her face “Yes! But I am still disappointed!” followed by giggles.
When I told her mom about what had disappointed her, she told me that Josh was threatening her with him picking her up, rather than me this morning- thinking she would behave better with that threat, which he had no intention of carrying through.
I find it amusing and extremely sad, that parents don’t take discipline seriously enough to think before they threaten. I have done it many times myself, but now that I have been practicing carrying through more, I am more careful about what threats I make.
If I tell my kids “If you do this, this will happen”, and don’t carry through, they won’t take me seriously. The threats we make have to be something we would really do, or they mean nothing. They may work for a while, but eventually if you make a threat, you may be called on it. If you don’t carry through, the child will think you don’t mean it next time.
This is something we need to do on purpose. I find myself wanting to threaten things like, going to bed without dinner. But that is something I would not carry through with.
Being a parent in control, means we have to control ourselves, and that includes our threats and actions with our kids.
For more on disciplining, read Training Vs. Punishment, by Michael Davidsen.

You never know what kids will come up with. Out of the mouth of babes is much wisdom- much to the chagrin of their elders. Yesterday, when I picked up the little girl I watch (I will call her E), she said to me “I’m glad you picked me up. My mommy doesn’t want to pick me up.”
I said “Of course she does, why would she not want to pick you up?”
E replied “Because she can’t believe her life”.
I asked her if that was what her mommy told her, and she said “No, she told me some bad words, and then she can’t believe her life. They are bed words for me to say, but not for grown-ups to say. How come you never say those bad words?”
I told her it is “because I practice not saying them. There are things we all need to practice doing or not doing, and I practice not saying bad words. That means I control my mouth.”
She said “My mommy needs to practice controlling her mouth.”
I stiffled a giggle, and said “OK, but don’t tellher that. Instead how about if we pray for her?”
E got all excited, and said “Yeah, it can be a secret!”
I got thinking about that conversation last night, and how true it is that adults give kids the impression that we have a different set of moral standards than we want them to live by.
As Christian parents, we need to be the examples they get their “How to live life right” instruction from- not just in words, but in actions.
If we don’t live what we preach to them, they will see us as “Needing to learn to practice controlling…________!”
We all mess up. We all make mistakes, and we all do things in front of our kids that we shouldn’t at one time or another.
When that happens, we need to let them know that we are aware of our wrong doing, and let them know we are trying to change that type of behavior.
There is nothing wrong with our kids seeing that we are human, but we need to let them see that we are still works in progress too. God’s grace is for helping us get up if we mess up. If we show them how, they will know they can get up if they mess up too.
For more information on being an example, please read “They Are Watching You“.

When you have teenagers in your family, things can be quite quiet for a while. It can be frustrating to have silence follow a question you ask, or a statement you make. When teens go through their silent days, and they may be many, be patient, and pray for them.
Silence can mean many things, and eventually they will talk.
Being available to them, whenever that time comes, will make the difference as to how much they talk, what kind of talk (thier heart or their mind, or both), and how long they they will talk.
If our teenagers know we are not going to condemn them for the things they may want to talk about, they are more likely to open up. If they know we have unconditional love for them, they are more apt to be honest.
Developing a relationship with them that enables us to have true fellowship with them should begin when they are born- but if that has not been the case, begin now.
Relationship with someone means that you both take part in the communication. You both respect each other. You both are honest, and kind. It takes two to make a relationship work.
Respect and honor the opinions of your teens as you would a friend’s.
Listen well. This means be quiet, and let them talk. Don’t lecture- that is one area us parents have a hard time with. We see a problem and we want to fix it. DON”T!
Let them express themselves, and if you feel the need to offer advice, ask them if they want to hear it.
If they say yes, be gentle, and not bossy. If they say no, tell them you will pray for them to have wisdom.
For more information on talking to teens, see Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff, and read my article Talking To Your Teen.

Today I took my three youngest kids, and 3 others to a pumpkin patch. What a wonderful time!
We went on a hayride and stopped in the middle of the pumpkin patch to pick pumpkins. We each got one. Then we continued the ride to the corn field, where each of us got to pick two ears of Indian Corn. When the ride ended at the barn, we put our things in the mini-van, the we went through the corn maze.

We got a lttle lost in the maze, but with children leading the way, we eventually found our way out.
The weather was beautiful. New York state is usually cold by this time of year, but today is got up to 82 degrees.
When it was time to go, we bought some fresh sweet corn and headed home. The kids want to go again, so does the mom.
Time spent watching my kids enjoy nature, and have fun is priceless.
I am blessed, and I know it.
I am thankful, (Thankful Thursday), for I know that I have what a lot of people long for- family.
Family that lives and loves together.
Family that takes for granted that everyone has it as good as we do.
Family that at times overlooks the blessings, not realizing that we are blessed beyond measure.
Treasuring each other, enjoying each other, thinking it will always be this way.
It may always be this way in the sense of always being family- but not in the sense of always being a young family.
I want my kids to know how to be thankful, and not take each other for granted.
I want them to know how blessed they are.
I want them to be blessed like this as they grow and have families of their own.
Knowing that family is a gift to be treasured, a priceless part of life that cannot be replaced.
Family- God’s plan for us.

As a mom, it is my job to make sure that when my kids go to visit friends, they are going to a safe place. I have been known to call parents and ask to meet them (much to the embarrasment of teens) before I would allow my kids to go to the house of a friend. Most often, this is received wellby parents. They understand and are more than willing to meet with me. There have been a couple of times when I have had to say no. This is very hard to do, but when I know there are things going on in the home that could potentially harm my children, or expose them to things they should be innocent of- I can’t let them be in that environment.
I always welcome their friends here- and to my astonishment, usually their friends are allowed to come here without their parents ever meeting, or even talking to me on the phone.
Some people assume that because we are in ministry, that their kids are safe here- and they are- but my point is that even in Christian families, there is often abuse.
One of my best friends when I was a young child, was being sexually assulted by her father, and I never knew it until we were adults. I spent a lot of time with her family. My parents knew them, and never suspected anything wrong either. They were Christians, attended church, and the mom was active in ministry. It turns out that they were very abusive, and the scars have lasted- the scars of abuse in children are carried into adulthood- making it more probable that they will also either be abusers, or be abused as adults.
So this mom prays. I pray for my kids when they are not with me- that they will be safe and not harmed in any way. I pray for the families of their friends- that they will be drawn to the Lord if they don’t know Him, and that their homes will be a havens of peace. I also don’t trust anyone easily. Knowing I was there, and didn’t know of the abuse makes me less trusting. Less trusting of my own judgement, and of myown sensitivity to those in pain. If I didn’t know my best friend was hurting- how do I know I would recognize it now?
I need to keep praying.
Bob Betzen, author of the “Radical Avenue” blog, has a very good article up about how the effects of domestic violence last;The Lasting Wounds of Domestic Violence.

domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assult, sexual abuse, parental responsibility

Please check out these other blogs supporting DOmestic Violence Awareness:

www.herdailynews.com
www.about-sanjoseca.com
www.homecomputertalk.com
www.earthlygarden.com
www.watchingbionicwoman.com
www.watchingbsg.com
www.limitededitionfoods.com
www1PStart.com
www.astrologyexplored.com
www.about-honoluluhi.com
www.parentingandreligion.com
www.maritaltalk.com

Violence on TV and in video games does effect our children, and our homes. As Christian parents, our goal is to raise our children to be peacemakers. If we allow them to feed on violence, whether on TV or in video games, we are setting a double standard.
Domestic Violence can be a side effect of what we watch, read, play, or witness.
According to “Children and Television Violence“, the effects can be anything from acting out with fear, to acting out with violence.
I noticed when my oldest son was young (He is 21 now), if we allowed him to play Nintendo games for too long, he would act out to us. He would point his little fingler at me and say “Bang!”, knowing it was wrong. It was as if he became a different child when he was allowed to play for too long.
It is up to us to make sure we don’t allow violence to live in our homes. If we begin with what we use as entertainment, then at least we have begun.
Another culprit can be the music they listen too. Music today is more violent than ever. According to a study done involving 500 college students, aggressive behavior and violence increased along with listening to violent music.
If being exposed to violence effects college aged people, why do we ignore the effect it can have on young children?
It is time to raise the standard in our homes. It is time to say “NO!” to violence.
It is time to pray with a passion for peace, not only in our homes, but also in the homes of those who don’t know better.
If we begin with our own families, others will see the difference in us. That is when they will begin to take a stand with us.
Having peace in our homes has to be done on purpose. It is something worth striving for.
Let’s raise some peacemakers.

April Gilford, Life As a Christian Woman author, has written about a house divided, don’t let that be your house.