Parenting and Religion

Funerals and Weddings, the family meeting and reunion places.
At least for my family.
In the last week we have been to a friends funeral, and a family members wedding.
I decided that I really do prefer weddings over funerals.
The groom was my Uncle, someone we all thought would NEVER get married.
SURPRISE!!
They seem to be very happy together, and all I could think of when I was watching the ceremony, was how happy my grandmother would be. I know she was always concerned for her sons to not be alone. She wanted them to have someone to spend their lives with, someone to love and to be loved by.
She wanted all seven of her children to be taken care of.
Now all but one are married, and I don’t think that one ever will marry….but I could be wrong…right?
Only God knows.
Grandma is with the Lord now, and I am sure He gave her a window to look through so she could witness one of her prayers being answered.
The Bible tells us we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses. I believe that includes those who have loved us and are now with the Lord in heaven.
Yes, I believe heaven is a real place where people really go when they die… if they have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.
God wants us all to be with Him, that is why He sent Jesus.
(John 3:16)
Weddings, celebrations of love, are wonderful. Knowing you are loved and being able to love in return- there is nothing like it.

Dad,
I thought I would share a few memories I have of you with everyone who reads this.
One of my earliest memories is of piggy-back rides around the rooms on Southport St. You would give each of us kids a turn, and that was a lot of fun, but the best part was when you gave mom a turn. I remember all of us laughing so hard, thinking you would drop her.
I also remember when mom worked at Isards Department store. We always looked forward to you cooking dinner, because we always ended up eating McDonalds, Pizza, or popcorn…instead of whatever it was you had burned.
I remember running out to meet you when you would come home from work at night, you always took time to hug me.
I remember when our dog, Lady died. That was the first time I ever saw you cry, and I will never forget how sad I felt for you.
I remember when I wanted to stay at Grandma Troy’s house, and you said “no, not tonight.”
I told her to tell you to let me stay, after all she was your mom, so you had to do what she said…right? She told me otherwise. She told me that I should always listen to my father, because he knows what is best for me.
I remember how I thought you were a hero when you let a stranger come stay with us after the flood. I thought you must have been the nicest, bravest dad in the world.
I also remember arguing with Tony Irvine and Paul Verity, about whose dad was the strongest. They each insisted that their dad was the strongest, but I knew the truth…mine was.
I remember when we played Monopoly in the middle of the night…but I don’t remember who won.
I remember when you told me in front of a boy who came to pick me up for a date “I like Dan Lockwood better!”, and how humiliated I was. By the end of the night though, I knew I did too.
I remember when we were ready to walk down the aisle on my wedding day, how you looked like you weren’t so sure this was the right thing after all. It was the right thing dad, and I know you still like Dan better.
I remember when you and mom were there when I gave birth to Joey, and how special it was to have you there.
There are a lot more wonderful memories I have of you dad, but I can’t fit them all in here.
Just know that I am thankful to God for making me be born to you and mom. Thank you for introducing me to Jesus, and continuing to be an example of God’s wisdom, goodness, and love for me.
I love you Dad.

Love,
Jeannie

What is the best thing that Dan and I, as a married couple, can do for our children?
Show them by example how to have two good relationships.
1) with God
2) with eachother
The way they see us outside of church is the way they will remember us.
It is easy to be in an attitude of prayer, and be nice to people when we are around others.
But it is how we are at home that they will learn from.
My main focus has to be keeping my relationships in right order, beginning withmy relationship with God.
My testimony is that I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. If my children are going to grow up with a good example of what that means, it is up to me to give it to them. They need to see me reading my Bible, praying, and taking them to church. They need to see me being serious about the things of God, and trying my hardest to live up to the standard He has set in His Word.
They need to see me turn the TV off if something objectionable comes on. They need to see my choices of company be people who are good for my Christian growth, and at the same time see me befriend people who need me to be a witness to them of a person who has repented of sin and been forgiven.
They need to see me be led by my pastor/husband in prayer, and agreement.
They also need to see Dan and I disagree, and that it is ok that we disagree on some issues (and believe me, we do!)
Dan and I together have to be examples to them of how a couple should communicate with eachother, and how to resolve arguements.
They need to see us ask for, give, and accept forgiveness from eachother.
They need to see us leave the past in the past.
They need to see us love eachother by being considerate of what the other wants and needs.
Little things can mean a lot when it comes to being considerate.
One example I can give is parking our van. I love it when I go out and the van is backed into the driveway. I am not great at that, so I don’t do it myself, but when I see that Dan has backed it in, it is as if he is telling me he loves me.
My kids know this, and now our oldest daughter has begun backing it in when she has used it. She does this on pupose to tell me she loves me too.
That tells me that she gets it, as I hope they all do.

I remember when I was upset that my 4 year old did something destructive (but of course I can’t remember what it was), about 17 years ago.
I talked to my sister-in-law, and she gave me some advice that changed the way I look at the things my kids do. She read me Proverbs 22:6 from the Amplified Bible,
“Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
And then she told me the meaning she had gotten from it. She said that when her kids, no matter how young, do things that are not really bad, but things they probably shoulldn’t do, she looks at it and asks the Lord, “Is this part of their gifting, and how can I turn it towards you?”
I am talking about things like taking a new toy apart to see what is inside, or trying to hide the wall they just painted on….not things that could potentially harm them or someone else.
I have seen things in my very young children that have enabled me to help them bring out their gifts, all because I have looked for them.
My oldest daughter used to love to empty my can cupboard. It drove me crazy…I wanted them the way I wanted them. But I let her do it,and she always arranged them by size. I always went back when she was through and arranged them by category, but then she would do it again the next day.
She is still, at 18, a very organized person. I know God has plans to use that gift for his glory.
My 20 year old son used to pretend everything was a guitar, ever since he was about 1 yr. old
He taught himself how to play at 14, and now is in the process of starting a worship team to reach the youth in our area.
As parents, it is our job to see the gifts, pray for wisdom on how to help those gifts develop, and help our kids have opportunities to use their gifts.
If we do these things, the whole body of Christ will benefit, and more people will be reached with the Gospel and come to know the Lord.
Seek out those gifts.

Loss…
Everyone will experience it at some time in their lives, and most more than once. Death is a fact of life, but knowing that doesn’t make it easy.
As a parent, I find it a challenge to explain death to my kids in a way they will understand. As a Christian, believing in God and having a hope beyond this life, I can do it easier than I would be able to otherwise.
We lost a wonderful friend, who happened to be our landlord, last week. The funeral is today.
When my 7 year old son found out about our friend, he sat there looking very sad for a minute.
I asked him if he was sad, and he nodded his head. I held out my arms for him and he came over and climbed onto my lap, trying very hard not to cry. I told him it was ok to cry if he was sad, and he did. He cried a lot for about 20 minutes, and we talked about what a special person our friend was, and how he always let Troy follow him around and help him fix things.
We talked about how our friend gave each one of the kids a special card every Christmas, and how we would miss him a lot.
Troy said he was happy that he knows he will see him again in heaven, and we talked about how heaven will be.
Death is never easy, but when we can be assured that a loved one knew God, and believed in Jesus as their savior, we have something that no-one else can offer. We have a way to rejoice, even in death.
The funeral today is going to be a celebration of a life lived in compassion and dedicated to loving others with the love of God.
Pray for us and rejoice with us as we celebrate life; old and new, on earth and in heaven.

Bryan Conner,( http://www.sympathypain.com ), asked for readers of his blog to share a story about how they found out they were going to have a baby. (see section”weekend assignment” in his blog). I wanted to share my answer to him here:

As the mom of 7, I have more than enough stories to entertain you, but I will keep it to my oldest son, second pregnancy.
Dan and I were very saddened when our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. We had been married three years, and wanted a baby very much.
When I still wasn’t pregnant two years later, we decided to seek medical advice. We were told that there was an 80% chance we would NEVER have kids, and maybe we should look at other options.
About 3 months later, I had been holding my new nephew, and was driven to tears on the way home from their house. Dan asked me what was wrong, and I said that I wanted a baby so much, but I was thinking it was never going to happen. I had gotten to the point where I would be in tears every month when my period came, because I was not pregnant. I had begun avoiding friends and relatives who were expecting, and was becoming bitter.
That night on ourway home, Dan and I prayed.
He prayed that within a year from that date (Oct.3, 1985), we would have had a baby.
I began to search scripture, looking for things about barrenness and motherhood. I was building up my faith to go along with our prayer.
When I got my period that month, I had perfect peace. Dan was amazed when he saw how I was about it. I told him that Inew God was going to answer our prayer.
The next month, I didn’t get my period…
or for 2 years after. I was pregnant with our oldest. We named him Joseph as a confession of our faith. Joseph means “God shall add.” We wanted many children, and as each one came along we would pray for the timing of the next, and God always honored our request. We have only used birth control for 6 months of our marriage, and that was after a very difficult pregnancy with our 4th child.
God has been gracious to us, and blessed us with all these wonderful children. I am very thankful.

How do I let go?
You would think that since my oldest is almost 21, and the next oldest is 18 and married, it would be easier. I have always heard people say they can’t wait for their kids to grow up and get out of the house, but I don’t think that way.
I went to my daughter’s graduation senior day assemblt today, and it was hard.
It was hard to know that once again a passage has come, and I need to let go some more.
It seems a little strange to me that I feel this way, after all she has been married for almost a year.
But I know that she will not only be graduating from high-school, but also moving out of my house, and in the not too distant future, possibly far away.
My son who will be 21 next month has been hard for me to let go too, but I think I can do it.
I still do the mommy thing of making sure he doesn’t forget things and eats enough, but I know I have to stop.
I guess I need to convince myself emotionally that the time has come, and that it is a GOOD thing.
A GOOD thing because it is right.
My daughter and her husband will be trying to find an apartment soon, that is a GOOD thing.
My son can take care of himself, and that is a GOOD thing too.
I will be ok, and I will still be mom….
but I will miss having a crowded house, and cooking for 10 all the time.
I will miss all the commotion and noise.
I will miss making lunch for them, and sharing popcorn while we play cards.
I will miss the line to the bathroom….well, maybe not that.
It will all be a GOOD thing though.
Dan and I have taught them well.
We have prayed for them, and talked to them about God their whole lives.
We have shown them how to live right, be responsible, and at the same time to have fun.
Most important, we have shown them Jesus, and they know Him.
It is all GOOD.

The count down now begins:
Two down, five to go.

Yesterday’s comment from my sister, Carol/Missy, (one of which is her real name), prompted me to tell the story of the shirt she mentioned.
When we were very young, probably about 11 and 9, we found this shirt that said “Love Me Tender” in big bright bold letters. We knew our dad was an Elvis fan, so we thought that of course, he would love this big bright bold shirt.
He acted like he did when he opened it. He even put it on right away. When he wore it to the store, we thought for sure he really liked it.
It wasn’t until years later that he told us his side of the story. He wore it to the store, forgettiing he had it on, and after that he went into the bar across the street where all his buddies hung out. Boy did they razz him for that. He says now that they sung to him and made fun of him for a long tiem afterwards.I know that was a long time ago, but certain family funnies never die, they only get funnier as time goes on.

I have been trying to write down our family funnies, and every once in a while, my kids ask me to read one about them. It is a nice way to help keep the good memories alive, and will help the whole family remember the fun and funny times.

I am blessed to have a Father who lets me know he loves me. I am blessed to be married to a man who lets me and our children know we are the most important people in the world to him.
With Father’s Day approaching I thought I would offer some suggestions to honor the father’s in your life.
A couple of years ago, the kids and I made a “Dad” T-shirt for Dan. We bought a t-shirt, and made handprints with fabric paint on one side. On the other side, in the same position as each handprint, I wrote the name of the child who made the handprint on the opposite side. On the pocket of the t-shirt, I wrote “Dad”. That t-shirt is still his favorite.
Another thing we have done, is make out of black and gold construction paper, a pot of Gold.
We cut out the black piece in the shape of a pot, and then the gold, just a little smaller. We then glued them together, but left the top open. The kids then wrote little notes such as “one back rub”, “a walk with just me”, “I will make you a banana shake”, and other things they like to do together. The notes were put inside the pot of gold.
There are a lot of fun and creative ideas for honoring dad. Here are a couple of links to sites to help with finding just the right thing for the dad in your life, or your child’s life.

http://www.kidsdomain.com/holiday/dad/

http://www.marvelcreations.com/fathersday.html

http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/cr_occasions_fathers_day/article/0,1789,HGTV_3272_5502237,00.html

Have fun showing your heartfelt love and appreciation to dad.

Worry…the biggest tempatation that has fallen to mom. Well, this mom anyhow.
I know worry is one of my weakness’s, and I try to remember to do all I can to stand against it.
As a Christian, I believe the enemy of our souls (the devil, and all his friends), knows our weakness’s and uses them against us at every turn. Just when we think we have it all together, or we are on our way, he gets his digs in with whatever the weakness is. He tries to trip us up, and get our eyes off of what they are supposed to be on.
In my case, my eyes are supposed to be on Jesus, and I am supposed to be doing what I know God wants me to do, and doing it with peace and joy.
I am learning how to not worry, but it is still a temptation.
As a mom, the biggest area worry tries to get me in is my kids.
Whether it be sickness, bad behavior, friends I don’t like, hearing sirens after they leave the house…no matter the source of worry, there is only one proper way for a Christian to handle it.
Give it to Jesus.
Easier said than done, right?
Well, it takes practice. I am still practicing, in a big way today.
Every time a thought of worry comes to my mind, I take it to God and I say, “I don’t want this, you can have it!”
I have had to do this over and over again in the last 24 hours, because it keeps trying to come back.
1 Peter 5:7, (AMP) says;
“Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares for you watchfully.”

Sometimes we have to do it many times before it becomes “once and for all”.
I am talking about worry here, but we can apply this to any area the enemy tries to trip us up in. Some people struggle with anger, fear, hopelessness, etc..
The truth applies to it all. If we cast it on Jesus…give it over to God, then we won’t have to stay in that place and can get our focus where it needs to be.
I determine to set my eyes on Jesus, so my focus can be on doing what I am called to do; be a good wife, mom and friend. Serve the Lord by seving others. Do my calling to the best of my ability, which is dependent on me focusing right.

When the temptation arises,
to turn my eyes another way,
I determine in my heart,
that I’ll give it to Jesus today.

Today I will cast all my cares,
my worries onto my Lord.
I will give them over and over again,
in this I’ll obey His word.

Then tonight when darkness falls,
I will pray upon my bed,
And thank the Lord for taking my worries,
peaceful sleep will come instead.

by: Jean Lockwood (2007)

Sometimes as a mom, I get so caught up in being mom, that I forget about myself. I forget that there is more of me than just “mom”.
In the midst of teaching my kids, taking them to appointments, cooking their meals, helping them with projects, taking them to youth group, putting them to bed, going for walks, doing laundry, cleaning the house, cooking some more…
sometimes the rest of me seems to disappear.
Thank God for a husband and friends who remember that I am more than a “mom”.
Yesterday, a friend bought me some beautiful yellow roses. I was blessed.
My kids always give me hugs, and draw me pictures, or play me a new song on guitar…. and I treasure those things.
When my friend bought me flowers though, I was reminded that I am more than mom…but mom and wife are the most important aspects of my life right now.
I sometimes need a reminder to take care of the rest of me…not just the mom.
The rest of me loves to go out on dates with my wonderful husband.
The rest of me also loves to go for long drives in the country, again with Dan.
I also love to scrapbook with my friends….taking our family memories and putting them into something we can all enjoy.
I love a break from the mom routine once in a while.
But it all comes down to one thing…
When I am doing things for the rest of me, I am also doing those things for all of them…my kids and my husband.
You have probably heard the saying “If mama aint happy, aint nobody happy.”??
Well the opposite is also true; “If mama is happy, then everyone is happy.”
It has proven to be true here. If I take a break and get refreshed, letting the rest of me breathe for a while, then everyone else is happier because I am happier and am able to do my job as mom better.
If you are a mom, don’t feel guilty about being nice to yourself. When you treat yourself, you are treating them….to a happier mom and a happier home.

SOUNDS OF CHILDHOOD

Peanut butter faces, handprints on the wall.

I see them running through the house, playing with a ball.

All the sounds of childhood,

fill my home with lovely noise,

But someday they’ll grow up , move on,

Have their own little girls and boys.

So for now I will enjoy the ones God has given me.

I will count my blessings every day…….

For I am blessed indeed!

(written by: Jean Lockwood 1997)

Blessings, something we can so easily overlook or take for granted. Each day we see more blessings than we could count, but do we notice them? Do we take the time to appreciate a hug from a 7 year old? Do we listen and take the time to realize how blessed we are when a teenager actually has a converstion with us? Especially when they seem to enjoy it?
Do we count it joy, or a burden…when it is actually a blessing to be at the playground with our kids?
Are we always in such a hurry that we overlook the “little” things?
It is the little things that create memories that we will want to hold on to forever.
One my little blessings is sitting on my lap as I write this, he just woke up and is wanting to cuddle with mommy. I am thankful for this time, but how often have I taken the time to be thankful? These moments won’t last forever, I pray that I will have an awareness of each blessing today, and take the time to thank God for them.
God bless you today, and may He help you to see those blessings for what they are.

Jean

When asked by an assistant track coach,”Why are we even doing this??!!”, my daughter’s head coach replied, “To put our knowledge into bodies that work.”

Why am I doing what I am doing?
I am trying to impart knowledge and passion, into bodies and minds that will work to God’s glory.
In all we do as parents…(and granted, we are more than parents), in the role of being a parent, no matter what aspect we are dealing with (body, mind, spirit), we are imparting knowledge and passion one way or another. Even when we don’t think they are watching and learning from us, no let me rephrase that….ESPECIALLY when we don’t think they are watching and learning from us, they are watching closer than ever.
Have you ever seen your child do, or heard them say something, and you think, “Where on earth did they learn that from?” That is when a quick accessment is needed of our own influence.
Did I expose them to bad influence on TV?
Did I lose my temper and say something I wouldn’t normally say?
Did I blow something so far out of proportion that it created a mountain out of a molehill?
Did I brush off someone when I should have given them my attention?
A look in the mirror can sometimes be slightly painful, but it can also open up a new view of the things we see in our kids.
As a parent, it is my goal to show them the best way to be, not the hardest, worst way…but as a human being, I mess up.
I have had the experience of going to one child or another, and telling them I was wrong to act like that, or say this , or treat them in a certain way.
As hard as it is when I have to do this, it is well worth it when I see them react in love and forgiveness.
Why am I doing this mom thing?
I am doing it out of love.
Love for my children, but most of all my love for God.

Sometimes it is hard to know exactly how open and honest to be with kids, especially when there are things that have the potential to scare them going on.
Two years ago at this time I was in that position.
It all started because I fell down some stairs and hurt my ribs. After I went for x-rays, I got a call from my doctor that he wanted me to go for a CT Scan because there was something not right in my lungs, like a spotty shadow. I thought the reason must be that some dust got on the x-ray film, so I was not the least bit concerned.
The day I went for the CT Scan, I was in my kitchen doing dishes and having some worship time (that is the norm…dishes, music, worship), and in a quiet moment, I felt as if God spoke to me and said “No matter what you hear, don’t be shaken!”. I wasn’t sure what it pertained to right then, because I hadn’t even been the least bit nervous. But then He said it again. After the second time, I picked up the phone and called Dan. I told him what I had heard, and he agreed with me right then in prayer that whatever was coming, we would not be shaken. We had no idea it had to do with my health.
Five days went by before we got a call from the Doctor. He told me he wanted me to see an Oncologist. I didn’t even know what one of those was, so I looked it up online.
Wow! Was I shocked when I saw the word “Cancer”!
I took a deep breath and then prayed, reminding the Lord that He told me not to be shaken, so I would hang onto that word from Him, believing that He knows the end from the beginning.
As time and MANY tests went on, Dan and I held onto the word to not be shaken.
When the doctor (the cancer doctor) told us that she thought I had one of three things, and in the order of possibility, they were in this order:
1)Lymphoma
2)Ovarian Cancer
3)Sarcoidosis (A benign auto-immune disease)
Because of our faith in what we believe God had spoke to our hearts, we were able to remain steady and not get fearful. Whenever one of us was in the place of beginning to be afraid, the other would remind them to not be shaken.
We decided that because of all the tests and doctor visits that we had to at least tell our older kids what was going on. How much to tell them and how honest to be were the hard decisions.
When we prayed about it, we both felt that we could be completely honest about what the doctor had said, but also rely on God to protect them from fear. When we told them there was a possibility I had cancer, we also told them what we believed was a word from the Lord, to not be shaken.
After more tests, a biopsy, and the removal of one fallopian tube, we found out I had Sarcoidosis…totally benign. Praise God!!!
That though is not the biggest miracle to me.
While I was going through this, we had asked for prayer at church. I was updating them almost every week, and had said the word “cancer” many time.
When I shared the diagnosis and prognosis at church, all 4 of my older kids came up to me after and said “We didn’t know they thought you had cancer!”
I was then amazed by the goodness of God, and how He protected them from fear by not letting them hear that word. He put a sheild around their hearts and minds, so they COULD NOT be shaken.
Dan and I saw a side of the Grace and Mercy of God we had not known before, and the confidence we can have in Him to protect our kids from hearing things that have the potential to shake their faith has become a most important part of our prayer for our kids.
God is Good…. All the time!!!

I have learned, probably as much from my kids as they have from me….(but please don’t tell them!).

When Joe was a baby (21 years ago), I learned how to fall in love with the littlest things, and how to see things for the first time all over again. Seeing him study and appreciate little things such as newly fallen leaves, it gave me a new sense of wonder.

When my second (Katie) came along, I found out that it is possible to love more than one child, and not lose any of the love you have for the first one. That was my fear, that I wouldn’t love her enough, and she would take away from my love for Joe. I found out that not only does the heart make room for more love, but love keeps on growing.

When Shawn was about 4, I learned that even in the midst of the tragedy of a favorite toy that broke (a ceramic stuffed clown), joy can be found by looking inside to see how it was made. Sometimes other things that don’t seem to go our way need to be examined more closely, to see what they were really made of..that was a big and painful lesson, that tears can be turned to laughter.

When Rachel was born, I learned to trust my istincts (yes, I should have learned that by then…but some of us are not so fast!). All of the rest of us were sick with the flu when she was just one month old. When I got her up in the morning, something was just not right. She didn’t feel feverish, but her color was off and she moaned when I picked her up. I took her in to be seen, and she ended up spending a week in the hospital with RSV. I hesitated to take her because she wasn’t coughing or feverish…but if I hadn’t she could have died. Thank God for giving us mom’s that instinct (which I personally believe is the Holy Spirit leading and speaking to our hearts) that lets us know when something is not right.

When I had Danny, I learned that God does indeed have a sense of humor. One morning when I was about 3 months pregnant, I was having some praise and worship time while I washed the dishes. I got quiet for a moment, and was sure God spoke to my heart that this baby was going to be a “double blessing”. So of course, I thought I was going to have twins. I called my husband and told him what I had just felt, and he got really excited. (we always wanted twins, until the last one…but that’s another story). Anyhow, when I had the ultrasound, there was only one baby in there. We still felt as if that feeling were true, this baby was going to be a double blessing. Well, the day we had Danny we found out why. He was the size of two babies, 12 lbs. 5 oz.!! Double size…double blessing…ok God, you made us laugh!!

Troy taught me that it is ok to give hugs even if you are angry. He has a little temper, yet is loving no matter what. We are working on helping him to control himself when angry, and he is working on not getting angry to the point of tears. Hugs help a lot, and turn the situation around so you can see from the inside a little.

Andy is still teaching me what it will be like to not have any more babies. It is not all bad, I am rather enjoying being out of baby mode- as long as I get a fix once in a while..(thank God for friends who let me hold their babies or grandbabies once in a while!) Andy helps me see things from a child’s perspective. I think it is easier for me with him, because I don’t have another baby I have to concentrate on.

Proverbs 10:22 says “The blessing of the Lord makes one rich and He adds no sorrow with it.”

My children are truly a blessing from the Lord, and though we may have seasons of sorrow, the joys are what we choose to dwell on, and they are what bring the richness to life. Sometimes sorrow may seem bad, but when we allow the sorrows of life to bring joy, they turn themselves around.

God Bless You,
Jean