Parenting and Religion

The title of my post today is “Dates”. I don’t mean the kind you eat, I mean the kind you need to have together with your spouse- just the two of you, alone, having fun.
A date can also be the two of you going out with another couple, or more than one couple. A date does not include anything in which you bring your kids along.
A date is usually fun and possibly romantic.
If you are on a date, you should try not to let conversation focus on the kids, this can ruin a good thing.
When you go on a date, your kids may ask, “Why can’t we come?”, and they may act sad…
don’t be fooled!!!
I tell my kids that going on dates makes mom and dad be better parents. Plus they get to have fun without us..and that can be a lot of fun!
I also tell them that if we bring them, it isn’t a date.

Now for my question:
Tomorrow night we are going on a date. We are going to my daughter and son-in-laws house to watch a movie and eat take-out.
Since one of my rules is “no kids”, is it really going to be a date?
I guess we will know tomorrow.

I have been at my parents for a couple of days with my four youngest kids. We are going home today, and we had a very good time.
Sunday night we went to a wedding. The groom was my cousin, and it seems to me that he should still be a child; but like we all do, he grew up. I remember babysitting him, and enjoying rocking him to sleep. He was one of the first babies I had the pleasure of rocking to sleep, and that made me look forward even more to having my own babies- even though I was only about 14.
Yesterday we went up to a park near my parents house. They had a pool, a wooded picnic area, an arcade and a playground. We ate lunch before we went, so we only brought some snacks, some cold soda and water along.
My brother and I went swimming with the kids, while my daughter, mom, dad, other brother and his family played at the playground and read books in the shade of the trees.
Of course my kids were begging me to take them in the arcade, so when everyone was ready to leave, my brother Jim and I took them in and played some games.
We played a basketball game, and won tickets for prizes.
Rachel and I played air-hockey, and she beat me easy.
We ended up leaving with rubber snakes, plastic spiders, and chinese finger cuffs (did you ever get stuck in one of those???- not fun!)
So now we are getting ready for our three hour trip home, and looking forward to coming back in a couple of weeks.
Next month we will have a family reunion at the same park, so my kids are already planning what they want to do while we are there.
Spending time with family is wonderful, even if you only sit around and enjoy the outdoors together.
Summer is a wonderful time to do fun things together as a family. It is easier to find things to do outside in the summer, and adventures can be found around every corner.
For some ideas on what to do with your family this summer, check out my article “Family Fun On a Budget”.

http://kidsactivities.suite101.com/article.cfm/summer_fun_on_a_budget

Have a wonderful, fun summer.

I had a great talk with my 16 year old son, Shawn yesterday on our way to the camp he is working at.
Shawn and I were talking about choices and consequences. Sometimes I am amazed by the childishness of my teens, but this time I was amazed by the wisdom.
Shawn has told me many times that he has chosen not to date until he is old enough to be seriously thinking about marriage. So far he is the only one of my oldest three who have gone this route, and it isn’t easy. Shawn has many girls who are friends, and a lot have asked him to go out with them, but he always tells them no.
I told him that is one way to avoid the heartache that can come from dating and breaking up- the way the world dates. He told me that there is still heart ache this way.
After I thought about it, I think I got what he was saying.
The heart ache that comes this way can make it hard to stick to what you believe is right- waiting on God and His timing.
The peer pressure to date (by this I mean the way the world dates- one relationship after another) is very great. Dating now is so different than it was when I was younger.
According to some teens I know, it sometimes involves sharing dates- going out with one, but being just as intimate and close to the friends of the one you are dating.
This makes me think of how important it is to remind our kids of God’s instructions for them as young people.
2 Timothy 2:22
“Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
Teaching them the principles in the world can be a touchy subject. We don’t want to preach at them, but we do want to and need to talk to them. I have many friends who say their teens won’t talk to them. I have found with my own teens that talking has to be their idea, in a way.
By it being their idea, I mean that parents need to be able to understand the openings that are provided to talk.
Car trips are great, because they can’t walk away and are more likely to feel comfortable if it is just the two of you talking with no chance of interuptions.
Another time I have found that all of my older kids have been open, is late at night…so late that I would almost always be sleeping. Both my husband and I have had our share of late night talks with our teens, and it always worked out that they were wanting to talk.
Another way to tell if they want to talk, is if they say things like “Today really sucked!”,
or “Wow, I had a great day!”
I have found openings like this are the norm. One key I have found in getting them to talk, is to listen.
Sounds so simple, but is not so easy. As a mom I want to tell them how to fix things, or let them know what they did was wrong.
I have had practice with 2 adult children, who told me things that shocked me, but I was able to retain my cool and act like it was all ok.
That is why they are all able to talk to me- I am not easily shocked by them- at least outwardly.
I also decided that when they choose to confide in me, I will not preach at them about the right way, or chastise them for their mistakes. I will, however, pray with them if they want, and encourage them that all of us go through similar things. I htink this has been key for us keeping communication lines open. Dan has a similar way of letting them talk.
One thing we won’t do though, is keep things from eachother, and our kids know that. If one of them confides in me and says “Please don’t tell dad”‘ I tell them they will have a day or two to tell him themselves, but after that I will tell him. We do not keep secrets from eachother, and often we discuss our talks with the kids and come up with a prayer strategy together.
Communication with teens is possible, and if you pray you will have wisdom in talking to your teens.

teens, talking to teens, parenting teens, communitcating with teens

Yesterday I requested prayer for Deborah, a young girl on a missions trip to Costa Rica.
She had been caught in an undercurrent while swimming, and we didn’t know how she was.
I just found out that Deborah died.
I don’t know this girl, I only know that she loved the Lord and loved people enough to want to tell them about her savior.
Her life was not in vain. She was on a trip to fulfill her wish to share the Gospel.
Deborah’s family and friends need our prayerful support now.
I don’t even know her last name, but I know how to pray.
I also know that she is in the presence of her loving Lord, receiving her reward for obeying His commision to go and tell…
and giving her life in the process.
Please Pray.

Scripture of the day:
Ephesians 6:18 (Amplified)
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

I want to encourage all of us to pray today.
There are many people who need our prayers.
One such person is my daughter’s online friend, Deborah. She is a teenage girl on a mission trip to Costa Rica. Yesterday she got caught in an undertow and was sucked under water. She was pulled out, but we don’t know if she is ok. Please pray for a miracle for her.

The scripture I chose says to pray for all the saints. Who are the saints? They are our fellow believers throughout the world. There is much persecution of believers in the world. How are we to pray for these people we don’t know?
I believe we are to teach our children about religious persecution, and teach them to pray for others who love our Lord, but how do we do this?
Voice of The Martyrs, http://www.persecution.com/ , has a lot to offer as far as educational things and how to pray for our brothers and sisters in other parts of the world.
There is also a book called “You Can Change The World, Learnign to Pray For People Around The World”, by Jill Johnstone. This book is made especially to help kids know what it is like to be a Christian Child in other parts of the world.
Please pray today, and teach your kids to pray for others.
Also, don’t forget to tell them others are praying for them.

praying with children, teaching children to pray, prayer

We are in transition right now. We went from 10 people to 8 people living in our house. I know that still seems like a lot of people to most families, but when you are used to 10, it seems like a lot are missing when there are only 8.
I think it has been hardest on one of the younger boys. Troy, 7, has a hard time with change.
He was concerned about being able to see Katie and Andy every day. So far he has seen them for at least a few minutes each day, but craves their attention when they are here.
I have been trying to help the boys be emotionally prepared for their move, for about 2 months now, and I think that helped quite a bit.
We have had a lot of talks with the kids about growing up and leaving home, so they know it is a normal part of life and that it is a good thing.
I also think that helped me deal with it emotionally, because it has been easier for me than I anticipated.
Dan and I have always enjoyed having our kids around. We have never bought into the “I can’t wait until these kids grow up!” thing.
We have always wanted our time with them to last a LONG time. But God has perfect timing for all things, and we have to trust Him with our kids- especially when they leave home.
It does seem strange going to their new apartment to visit. I guess I’m not used to them really being grown ups yet. They have been married for 10 months, but when they moved out it finally dawned on me that they are REALLY grown up, and they now have a life apart from ours.
I thank God that they are happy and able to make their own way, in His way and His time.
We will continue to miss them, but I am sure it will get easier as we get used to the change.
I am enjoying having my own office- their former bedroom.
Now to finish moving all my scrapbooking suipplies, writing books, and other fun stuff.
Yes, I will get used to this, and possibly faster than I thought.

Today we celebrate the fourth of July,
eat some hotdogs and apple pie.
Roast some corn, and marshmallows too,
Freedom has come and stayed here for you.

Have a picnic, see a parade,
drink some soda or lemonade.
Go watch the fireworks explode in the sky,
But don’t forget those who may have to die.

Freedom isn’t free you know.
It takes men and women who choose to go,
and fight for our freedom, fight for the rights,
You and I enjoy every day and night.

Freedom is wonderful, but comes with a price.
And sometimes it comes with great loss of life.
Freedom isn’t free you know
Thank those you know who have chosen to go.

Freedom isn’t free.

Tomorrow is our Independence Day. What does that mean to you?
To me it means….
…I am free to worship my Lord without Government interference,
…I can raise my kids to know and love the Lord without being threatened with them being taken from me.
…I can choose to have as many children as I am blessed with- no one tells me I can’t,
…My children can be taught at home, and taught in a way that is honoring to God,
…I can read my Bible out in the open, and no one can tell me not to.
…I can preach the Gospel of Christ and speak of Him openly.
…I can cast my vote for a leader who has faith in Jesus

All these things are wonderful things- and all of them have been threatened.
We need to be aware of the things going on around us, and take action against those who want to take our liberties away.
Being Christian parents, means watching out for the rights of our kids.
This means being aware of who stands for what, and making choices when we vote, based on our values.
Please take the next year to carefully investigate and consider who you will vote for in the upcoming election. Look into their value system, their voting records, and their experiences while in the offices they have already held.
This stuff says more than their words today say, and it means more too.
Keep our freedoms- don’t willingly give them up.

Today is July 1st, and the new school year begins today. It runs from July 1-June 30.
I am still not sure of everything we will be doing for school this year, and haven’t heard from my teens what they want to study.
When they get older I let them decide what they are interested in, and pursue that particular thing along with the required subjects. http://www.momisteaching.com , a blog written by Summer Minor, deals with homeschooling issues and encouragement. If you are homeschooling or are interested in homeschooling, it would be great to read. Summer offers many links and ideas.
My oldest homeschooled son, Shawn, is teaching himself web design, html, and photo shop.
He has set up 2 websites so far, and is the one I turn to for help with anything computer related. Shawn will be graduating next year.
My next oldest, Rachel, is in 8th grade this year. She is trying to decide what she would like to learn about. So far she wants to learn to cook- which will help me because I will assign her to make dinner once a week if that is part of her lessons….yippee!!!
The elementary boys, all 3 of them, will be doing American History with an emphasis on Patriotic Songs and their origins.
Proverbs 22:6 (Amplified)
“Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
This tells me that if we train them in what their talents and gifts are, then they will be able to use those things all of their lives.
That is why I let my children help decide what they will learn about.
Now I need to go clean off my shelves and set them up in my office. Maybe that will inspire me for planning the rest of the school year.

Have you ever known anyone who was angry at God?
Maybe you feel angry at God sometimes, or feel like He knew what was going to happen, so why didn’t He stop it.
I was talking to someone last night who seems to be very angry at God. He has a relationship with God, has accepted Jesus as his savior, but blames God for everything that happens.
I have a very close relationship with this person, but when someone is so angry and they know the right way to handle it, I try to not say too much about it to them.
I am praying for him.
I also will look for opportunities to encourage him to be honest with God. He already knows what is going on inside of us, so why not tell Him and at the same time ask him to help us deal with our anger and our hearts attitude towards Him.
I am also praying that this person remember that they need to take responsibility for their own decisions and actions. So often we make bad decisions, and do things we know we shouldn’t, but then find some way to place blame on someone else.
We also seem to expect that because we are Christians, God will make our lives perfect for us- because we believe in and love Him.
Not true.
Often we will go through tests and times of distress because we were foolish, or made a mistake, or even thought we were doing the right thing, and it turned out to be the wrong thing.
As a parent, I try to make my kids take responsibility for their actions. Not place blame, and not expect that they will always have it easy.
We also tend to look at God like He plays favorites. It seems like that person over there has it so easy, therefore, God must love her more than He loves me, right? Everything goes right for them, but not for me. God must think they are better than me.
Not true.
As a parent, I can honestly say that I don’t love one of my children more than another. I may treat them different from eachother, and I know I do- because they are each different from the others.
What is right for one may not be right for the others. The disciplinary action that is right for one, may not be right for the others.
They are each individual people with unique sets of needs.
God sees us the same way.
He sees us each one apart from the other, not one clump of children.
Therefore He will deal with each of us as individuals, yet extend to each of us His Grace, Mercy and Love.
We each make different mistakes, but some mistakes have higher consequences than others.
God made a way of forgiveness, and He willingly forgives, but that odesn’t mean there will be no consequences.
I also believe He restores us,completely.
But that doesn’t mean He erases the natural consequece of what we have already set in motion.
He can, but He won’t most of the time.
If we continue to mess up in the same areas, the consequences of our decisions will be worse and the ability to fight temptation will be less.
If we blame God for our life decisions and consequences, telling ourselves that He should have prevented us from doing those things or facing those consequences- we are in essence telling God we don’t want free will, and that we should be able to do whatever we want to without our choices effecting our lives in any negative way.
I remember a talk I had with my oldest daughter, when she was 16, about consequences.
She told me that she thought Dan and I are too leanient. That she thought she could probably do almost anything and get away with it.
I told her that her dad and I believe that every decision has a consequence- either good or bad- and that some of them were consequences that might effect her whole life. I explained that we had brought her up to know right from wrong, and to love the Lord. If we really love Him we will obey Him.
That means making good decisions and doing the right thing. Any punishment her dad and I could hand out wouldn’t have the effect that the consequences she may have to face for bad choices might make.
I also told her that each time we disobey God, it becomes easier to disobey the next time- and harder to make the right choice. One thing does lead to another.
If you or anyone you know, are angry with God for your life decisions and the consequences of those decisions, ask God to help you see things in proper perspective. He will understand and help you deal with getting rid of the anger, and own up to responsibility for yourself.
He really knows already…..so what can you lose?
Anger

anger, angry at God, dealing with anger

I took the opportunity to sleep late today, and then I overslept. I guess I needed to catch up on my sleep. For some reason I have a very hard time going to bed early in the summer. By early I mean 11:00. I tend to want to be up until 1 or 2, but I still have yo get up at the same time. I don’t know if it is the heat, or the fact that it doesn’t get dark until after 9, or what…but I miss my sleep and I still want to stay up.
It’s not only me, but the whole family that is like this. Last night we did ok, but I have been staying up late and getting up early for almost 2 weeks…it caught up to me.
This weekend is the graduation party for my daughter and her husband, so the next couple of days will be very busy. They are also moving into their apartment, and our dog is going to a new home. A lot of stuff happening at once.
It is easy for me to let myself get overwhelmed with so much going on and so much to do, but already I can tell God is doing His peace thing.
I got a phone call this morning from the kids dentist, cancelling 2 appointments I had to get to today…so that is a big help.
I also have been praying a lot, and I know that will keep the peace here.
(Amp.)
Isaiah 26:3 says;
You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.

Keeping my mind stayed on God, that is what keeps me in peace.

Dan is taking Danny to work with him today. I think that is a great way for them to spend time together.
I know I have said in previous posts that Dan is a Pastor, but I don’t think I’ve mentioned that he also has one of the sweetest secular jobs there is- he is a candy man.
That has it’s good points and of course a few bad points (like too much candy!).
This is what I think of him as a candy man:

Candyman (Sammy Davis Jr.)

Who can take a sunrise,
Sprinkle it with dew?
Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two…
The candyman, the candyman can,
The candyman can ’cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good…

Who can take a rainbow,
Wrap it in a sigh?
Soak it in the sun and make the stra’bry lemon pie
The candyman? The candyman can…
The candyman can ’cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good…

The Candyman makes
everything he bakes
Satisfying and delicious.
Talk about your childhood wishes.
You can even eat the dishes!

Who can take tomorrow,
Dip it in a dream?
Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream,
The candyman? The Candyman can, the candyman can…
The candyman can ’cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good…
And the world tastes good
’cause the candyman thinks it should…..

It is a lot of fun riding around with the candy man when he has candy to share. He makes everyone smile- bank tellers, toll collectors, kids, teachers, our dentist….well him in a different way I guess.
Have a sweet day.

I am sort of a happy/sad right now. My first child to leave home is moving out this weekend. I know it is for the best for her and her husband to get an apartment, and I am happy for them.
I also know that we are all in for quite an adjustment. Yes, it has been crowded here. Yes, we don’t have much room. Yes, I will be glad to have my office back.
But………..
I will miss seeing them every day.
I will miss having the dinner table set for 10 every night.
I will miss their laughter and their cute ways with my other kids.
I will miss them being here, I guess that about sums it up. Them just being here.

Now, for my plans………
I am going to have my office back, and we will have our downstairs bathroom back!!!
YippEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

I know it seems that I am going from one extreme to the other, and maybe I am.
But I am a mother, with a mother’s heart.
I love my kids, and want to have them with me forever, but I know it is normal and in God’s plan for them to leave and go on to do His will, using the gifts He has given them, doing what He wants of them.
His plans are always best.
So I will continue to do my job of being mom, and praying for them.
And I may cry that first night they are gone- but I will also rejoice in God’s goodness and faithfulness to always watch over them and take care of them.
After all, they were His kids first.

I have been trying to think of some fun things to do with the whole family, which can be a challenge with such a wide age range. We almost always end up doing things like, playing kickball, but not counting the youngest’s goofs or scores. There is also the fact that as kids grow up they become busier than ever, so some may not be there when we do these fun things.
We always go to “Kingdom Bound”- all of us. We have only missed one year out of 20, and we all really look forward to it. The festival is held at Darien Lake Theme Park, between Rochester and Buffalo NY. We get there early the first morning, and have all day to be in the park and go on rides before the festival officially starts. That also presents the problem of, there are only 2 or three rides suitable for all of us, so we split up after those rides. I always end up taking the younger set of kids, and Dan goes with whoever wants to ride roller coaster…which I once loved, but now avoid at all costs ( I guess when it comes to rides, I am a wimp).

Another fun thing we have done, though not all of us do it anymore-just those who enjoy it, is scrapbooking. Scrapbooking is a wonderful family time. When you get the photos out and begin remembering good times, it can be very rewarding. Young children love to put together a page for themselves. I have a small scrapbook which I use just for the kids to do. It is called our silly family funny book. I let them use pictures that either came out funny or were meant to be funny, and they each do a page or two. The favorite embellishment for my kids to use, is stickers. They LOVE my sticker book. One time I remember someone doing a page of all stickers. Teresa McClary (http://www.scrapropos.com), has some wonderful ideas and quotes up on her site. She is also running a contest. Check it out if you are interested in scrapbooking.
Another family fun thing is picnics. I think picnics have always been a favorite thing for me in the summer. I remember my mom making salads and packing the cooler. Seeing the cooler out was what would give us the hint that a picnic was on the agenda for the day.
When I was about 10, we started camping regularly. That was the ultimate fun time for me. Meeting other kids my age, going for walks on the trails, swimming and canoeing- all a blast.
This year we will be doing the camping thing with our kids for the first time. I hope they love it as much as I did.
Whatever you do with your family this summer, remember to have fun. I know when you are the mom it is easy to get overwhelmed with all the details. I am determined NOT to miss out on the fun for the formalities….
Now, I need to get cooking for the Graduation Party next weekend, oh did I remember to order the cake??…Oh no, I forgot to get the lawn chairs out…I hope everyone got their invitations…oh no I forgot…………

Just kidding, have a wonderful day!!!

I guess you could say that if age is determined by how we feel inside, I feel about 8 right now. I just got done walking in puddles with my boys, and we had a blast.
I know puddle jumping isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but you must admit that there are childish things all of us “adults” like to do. I happen to love walking in puddles and playing in the rain. My husband love wrestling with the boys, and acting silly.
I love merry-go-rounds, and he loves to swing at the playground.
Jesus told us “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
(Matt 18:2-4, NIV)
I know we usually interpret this to mean “the faith of a child”, but I really believe that if we are going to have faith as a child, sometimes we need to let go of our more mature serious side and act like we really want to inside- silly and adventurous.
Aside from the fact that it is fun, our kids get to see a side of us that says “I enjoy being with you”, and that doing fun things is ok, even when you are grown up.
So, the next time it rains- grab your kids,take your shoes off, and take a walk in the puddles.
It will do you all a world of good.