Parenting and Religion

I am sharing what I wrote on today’s Marital Talk Blog- Have a great day!!!

Today’s Quote:

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they
are always watching you.”
Robert Fulghum

It’s true, Children learn what they live. Every once in a while though, there will be someone who doesn’t live what they have seen as an example. Some people take what they have seen and learn from it, rather than live it.

As parents, our goal is to show our kids a good way of life. How to be in a marriage relationship and how to treat eachother. There are so many examples of how not to treat eachother- in themovies, TV, and even advice by well meaning experts.

Our goal (meaning mine and Dan’s), is to show them a better way.

When we see people who have no respect for eachother, or show disregard for eachother’s needs, wants and feelings- whether on TV or in real life- we know the kids who are watching them are having a wrong image of how marriage should be built into their minds.

Our kids are always watching us, and learning from us- even when we wish they weren’t.

What we show them, they are likely to try for themselves. The attitudes we display toward our spouse, is likely to be one they pick up on and possibly one they adopt for themselves.

Having a good marriage takes work. It take scommunication, and time alone together. When kids see us working to have a great thing, they will know that relationships take more than it may be easy to give- but that they are worth it.

This weekend was a long overdue family reunion, for my dad’s family.
When I was a kid, we had one every summer- at least it seems like we did.
As far as I know, there has been at least a 20 year lapse.
We had fun seeing cousins who we have lost touch with, as well as family who came a long way to be there.
I was informed that we are going to plan on doing this every last weekend in August.
I am already looking forward to next year. I am really hoping more family can attend than this year. It was great, seeing everyone, but there was not enough notice to give people who would have to fly time to plan.
My kids were amazed at how many cousins they have that they had never met. I told them this was a small crowd compared to how many there really are. (We are talking 2nd, 3rd, and 4th cousins)
I grew up knowing my extended family. I was even very good friends with my 3rd cousin. My kids don’t even know all of their first cousins….how sad.
Of course my husband is the 5th of 8 kids, so his older nieces and nephews are much older than our kids and most of them live far away from us.
Looking back on family life when I was a kid has given me a glimpse of how blessed I am to have been surrounded by family while I was growing up.
My dad’s cousins were more like additional aunts and uncles to me. They still are.
I was also amazed at how much my Aunt Ann looks like grandma, and her brother (my uncle Danny), looks like grandpa.
Then we saw my dad’s cousins- Maryanne looks like her mother (my great Aunt Betty), and Tommy looks like their father(great Uncle Bill). It was a little creepy seeing them all together- almost like seeing the two couples again.
Even though the years have gone fast, the memories of picnics at Sullivan’s Monument and cookouts in Grandma’s yard will stay with me. I hope my kids will have similar memories of playing with cousins, and seeing a lot of family- even if they don’t know who everyone is.
Family has a certain connection- even when you meet a cousin you hadn’t known before, there is a connection immediately that bonds you together.
Family is like that- bonded, even after years of no contact-much stronger than super-glue.

Once again it is Thankful Thursday.

I am thankful for:

*quiet at the end of a long day
*little arms giving a big hug
*being offered the last popsicle- by a 4 yr. old
*nieces and nephews who like to visit my house
*teen agers who don’t mind giving me a break by babysitting once in a while
*swings
*flowers
*the smell of tide and downy
*melatonin
*people who leave me comments
*unasked for help (especially when it is my kids helping)
*my family
*laughter

I am thankful for a lot of things, and these are the things I give thanks for today.
What are you thankful for?

When I was listening to a talk show on Christian Talk radip yesterday, I heard a statistic that really bothered me.
They said that the average family has the TV on for an average of49 hours a week, but the conversation between the parents and the children was an average of 38 minutes per week.
How sad!
As a parent, I know how busy life can get. It is especially busy for parents where there is only one parent in the household, or both parents have to work in order to make ends meet.
I know that as parents, we do the best we think we can…but we can always improve.
I also know that it isn’t always easy to get kids to talk.
I thought I would offer some suggestions to help get talking more often and more productive.

*Eat dinner together, at the dinner table, with NO TV.
*Take walks with your kids, of any age.
*Play board games, or card games with your kids.
*Go camping, or do something else that keeps you outside together, with no TV.
*Set limits as to when the TV can be on, and help your kids come up with other, more productive things to do.
*Go on a TV fast.
*Have one day a week where the whole family discusses a certain topic.

Changing lifestyle is not always easy, but if it is productive, it is worth it.

Yesterday my day was completely arranged around a birthday party for my 13 yr. old daughter’s friend.
I had 4 boys 10 and under with me, drove Rachel to her friend’s house- 40 miles away, and only came about halfway home- trying not to use up too much gas, and keep the boys busy and happy for 3 hours, so she could enjoy the party.
When I drove the 20 miles back to pick her up, she had the nerve to ask me if she could spend the night there!
I was NOT happy!
I spent the afternoon wasting time close by, and now I find out I could have come home?
I almost said “No Way!”
But instead I told her that I had just wasted my time (which she must think is meant for trivial things like driving her around), and gas, to come pick her up.
I told her it was fine with me if she stayed.
The catch was, she had to give me gas money to drive back and pick her up when she wanted to come home.
Now, that might sound mean, but I think it was fair.
She wasted my time and my gas. She can’t buy my time back, but she can buy my gas.
She then handed me her money, gave me a hug, and I left.
Now, when I told my older daughter about this, you know what she asked me?
“Do you want us to give you some money to make sure you have enough gas to drive us to work in the morning?”
Maybe Rachel isn’t the only one who will take this to heart and learn a lesson from it.

My family seems to have grown this summer. This week we have my nephew staying withus. He is 7, and one of those kids who is “so cute!!!”, and he knows it!
Yesterday in church- where we were sitting in the front row- I looked over a him, and he was enjoying the worship music, and very actively playing “air guitar”, while swinging his head around.
I motioned to him to come over by me, and I told him that I know it is fun to play airguitar, but not to do it anymore, it is too distracting for all the people behind us.
I looked over again, and he was swinging his arms around, and dancing like Steve Eurkle.
I motioned again for him to come over to me.
I told him, “This is a church, not a bar-room. You can move around a little, but don’t dance so wild, it is too distracting.”
He went back to his seat, and I looked over at him again. He was swinging his arms sideways, back and forth, giving a little hip action (and bumping into the kid sitting next to him). She whispered something to him, and he came over and told me “She won’t let me dance!”
So I said “Then don’t!”
Things were quite peaceful then.
A few minutes later, he came over to me, and hugged me. He said “I like this song”
He kept his arms around my waist, and began singing along with it:
“All I need is you, Lord, is you Lord.
All I need is you.”
How sweet to hear a little boy, singing slightly off key, his Love for the Lord.
Sometimes we may think kids are fooling around, and not paying attention to what is going on around them, but they are worshipping in the way that comes naturally- bringing God into their dance, and their play.
While their hearts are singing “All I need is you, Lord.”

If I had $300 dollars I would buy________.

What would you buy with $300? Or even $200 or $100? Now is your chance to find out! Comment on any 451 Press site during the month of August and you could win! Three comments will be chosen at random to win a cash prize of $300, $200 or $100. The more you comment the more chances you have to win. So start reading and let those fingers fly.

I am the mom of seven kids, and the oldest is 21. Through the years I have had the awesome privilege to parent (in a sense) some of my kids friends.
One aspect of parenting their friends that is difficult, is that I am not the parent, so I only have what authority I am given- and they are free to take my advice or leave it.
One aspect that is not so hard, is that sometimes kids are quicker to take advice or encouragement from someone other than their parents.
When your kids have friends who practically grow up in your house, you do have a responsibility to those kids to be a good example to them- especially if you know they don’t have one in their own home.
There are a couple of kids who have become like my own over the years, so much so that I am refered to as their “other mom”.
These kids call me mom, come and visit me, and respect what Dan and I say to them- just like our own kids do.
They have asked our advice in many areas, and have asked for prayer for parents or siblings at one time or another.
Some have called in the middle of the night to ask for help in a troubling situation.
I am blessed to be parenting more than my own kids, and when people ask me how many kids I have, I almost feel guilty not counting them.
I believe that as a parent, whether to my kids or someone else’s- I am responsible to pray, listen, guide, and pray some more.
When your kids bring friends home, look at them as an extension of your own family. That will open up doors that will bless you and them.

parenting, being an example, parenting kids friends, communicating with kids, praying for kids

The school year is fast approaching, and there are many ways to prepare for it. Doing school shopping during you state’s “Sales Tax Holiday” is one good way to save money.
Here is a link that tells when those days are in many states. http://www.taxadmin.org/fta/rate/sales_holiday.html

Another way to save money is to buy the basics when they are on sale. Pencils, paper, notebooks, binders- all of these are commonly needed items, and if your house is like mine- they will be used at home if not in school.

As a homeschooler, I often purchase items ahead of time if I see a great sale.
I also enjoy planning ahead of time (usually in tyhe spring) for the coming school year. This year is different- I am just this week beginning to plan…..talk about doing things at the last minute!
I have a lot of what we will need, but still have to get a few simple things for my ounger kids.
I do most of my curriculum shopping online. One of my favorite sites is http://www.chriatianbook.com
They offer a great variety of publishers, and have many resources for homeschoolers.
I also love to shop for gently used books and supplies. My favorite online place for these is
http://www.vegsource.com/homeschool/
Each day there are new ads up, and I have bought and sold on this site. It is very helpful to be able to sell what I no longer use.
As the next three weeks fly past me, I will be trying to be prepared for school….it’s a good thing I know how to be flexible.

school, back to school, school supplies, tax holiday, state tax holiday, used curriculum, homeschool supplies, homeschool

What is it about kids that make adults just want to have fun?
Could it be watching them, and memories from our own childhood coming to mind?
Could it be the unashamed laughter and being silly?
Could it be a deep yearning for things seemingly past- but really still inside of us?
Maybe it is because when we see their innocence, we see someone who is welcomed by God?

Mark 10:14
14When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

As parents, it is our job to not only allow our children to come to the savior, but to point the way and even take them by the hand to lead them there.
If we can get down on their level and play with them or do things they enjoy, they are more likely to follow our lead when it comes to spiritual things. They will know that what is important to them is important to us.
I have heard so many Christian “experts” say that we are not to be our children’s friends, we are to be their guidance and their authority.
We are to be those things, but without relationship that is respected and enjoyed by both parent and child, those things will not have as much influence as a parent who is also approachable to talk to, and understanding of the emotions that children and teens go through.
When we have fun with and play with our kids, we let them close to a part of us that they wouldn’t see otherwise.
My parents were (and still are), great examples of parents who play. Mom and dad would go on the swings at the park and go down the slide. They would play board games with us, and watch silly cartoons or disney movies with us.
My dad still says that his favorite sport is blowing bubbles (he won’t believe me when I tell him “that is not a sport dad!”)
Take time to play with your kids, let them see you enjoy the things they do, it will open lines of communication that might not otherwise open.
While you are playing you can also be praying, and lead them to Jesus- He wants them to come.

playing, communicating with kids, having fun with kids, children and Jesus, parenting

I was suddenly made aware today that summer is coming to a quick end. I know I should have been aware that it would end soon, but it has once again snuck up on me.
I’m not ready for school to begin yet. I know what I am doing with my kids this year, but I don’t have all my supplies yet.
I am also not sure if I want to participate in our local co-op classes this fall, or take a break from them.
I will have to pray about it, and take into consideration the way my kids may feel about it.
For the past 6 years or so, I have taught a class for high-school kids on Creative Writing.
I have had a blast teaching that class, and have found a lot of kids are creative and don’t know it until someone shows them.
For the next three weeks I will enjoy summer, and make plans for fall.
Plans for American History, Classification of bugs and leaves, SPelling tests, and Math.
I will plan a trip to the NY state Museum in Albany, and ice skating on Fridays.
I will also plan on enjoying teaching my kids- after all, I will only have them for a short time, and then the summer of their lives gives way to fall- and they will leave for a life of adulthood.

summer, fall, homeschooling, teaching,

How do we switch from talking to our young children as parents…”Do this…”, “Don’t do that..”
“Why did you…?”, “I’ll tell you what to do….”
And talk to them as adults…even if we don’t think they act like adults yet?
I was discussing this with a friend of mine last night, and I must say, I only know what to do with my own kids, and what has worked for Dan and I so far.
We have always strived to keep communication lines open, and from the parents stand point- that means a lot of prayer and relying on God for guidance.
We came to the conclusion when our first two kids were approaching their mid-teens, that it is normal for sons to compete with fathers and for daughters to compete with mothers. We learned from experience, and from praying for them. Growing up is hard. They have to obey us, and they feel inside like they are old enough to make their own decisions.
We see them goofing up, but we know we need to let them goof up.
They see us as lecturing them if we try to talk about anything. We see them as wanting to hide things and rebel against us if they won’t listen to us talk to (lecture) them.
What to do?
Now, I am not saying this how it should be done in all cases, only that this is what has worked for us so far.
BE QUIET!
If they want to argue- don’t do it.
When they decide to talk- listen- don’t give advice unless asked for it.
Talk to them like you would talk to a friend- with respect that they can make proper decisions and respect in the words you choose.
If you want information, find a creative way to get it. One thing I have found that works with my kids is talking about the ways we have seen other people handle things. Even if it is a family in a movie. You can point things out that you either liked or didn’t. You can say things like “I wonder what would have happened if he did this instead of that? What do you think you would do?”
One thing I have noticed about my teens, is that their favorite time to talk is either when we are alone in the car, on a long drive; or VERY late at night.
I have made it a point to get up late and check on them if they are still up. I have learned more about what is going on in their lives this way than any other. None of their friends can talk that late, and sometimes before bed, our minds won’t shut off. That is when they will talk and talk and talk.
I decided a long time ago that I would never act shocked at what they would tell me, and I have been able to maintain that- even at confessions of doing things they were taught are wrong, like smoking. If I refrain from judging them, they are more likely to talk to me.
I also never promise not to tell their dad. Him and I have an agreement that we don’t keep secrets from eachother. I will, however, give the chance for them to tell him before I do.
This builds trust and confidence.
Another thing we do is let them know that there is NOTHING they could do that would make up stop loving them.
We have had our share of “I will love you no matter what” tests.
God is always bigger than whatever we are going through.
To sum it up:
Respect
Don’t Judge
Give advice when asked
Listen, Listen, Listen

teens, young adults, talking to teens, communication, communicating with teens, parents of teens, respecting teens

Check out this article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20187093?GT1=10252
We will be letting the kids stay up late to watch part of this spectacular show.
Late night=popcorn (I leaned that from my dad!!)

Friday, always a busy day here. Now we are home from Kingdom Bound and life becomes routine and normal once again. Sometimes normalcy is nice, but it was great to break away for a few days and enjoy being in the midst of thousands of other believers.
This year at Kingdom Bound, was by far easier than any other year for me. It was the first time we didn’t need to bring any baby supplies….stroller, diapers, toys, diaper bag, porta-crib.
Dan and I were actually able to make our youngest kids go on the rides we wanted to go on, and we had a blast.
It was the first time we could both go at the same time. One of us always had to wait with the baby or toddler, but now we don’t have a child that young, and it was so much more fun.
Camping in itself is fun, but to be camping and wake up to Worship Music being played… awesome!
The kids were great. We had a campfire every night but one- because it rained.
We roasted hot dogs on sticks, and made smores. We met some great guys who do a ministry called “Enemy Opposition”. They are BMX bikers, and extreme skateboarders. They all came for our fire one night, and we had a lot of fun with them.
The man who started the ministry, Jake, shared with us some of the things he and his wife are going through, and we prayed with him. They just found out that their little girl (Rebecca, 3), has something called “Wilson’s Disease”. It is a liver disease that prevents copper from being eliminated from the body. Rebecca only weighs about 25 pounds, and has to follow a special diet. She needs prayer…for a miracle.
There is talk of a possible liver transplant for her, but only if her liver is that damaged.
I would like prayer for her, that she not need a transplant, and be healed of this horrible disease. Also for her parents- Jake and Betsy- that they be made stronger in their relationship to eachother, and God, and that they be given the peace that passes all of our understanding as they go through all this.
Kingdom Bound was about more than having a good time. It was about being quick to say “Let’s Pray”, and following through on praying, when we say we will.
It was about drawing closer to God, and seeking Him. Knowing HE is the one who deserves our praise, and our attnetion. If we truly acknowledge Him, our lives will be made straight.

Kingdom Bound, Enemy Opposition, family fun, rides, prayer, worship, camping

Rides. I used to love them, but now… in my middle age- enough said.
I am writing this the day before we go to Kingdom Bound, and posting it ahead of time. Kingdom Bound is held at Darien Lake Theme Park.
I will behounded to go onmany rides…and I may come away being sorry I gave in.
Rollercoasters are fun, but I have fluid in my eardrum, and lose my balance often anyhow….all I need is a rollercoaster turning me upside down and every which way.
I am looking forward to Shipwreck Falls, and the Big Wheel.
My favorite thing about Kingdom Bound is being in the presence of other believers for 4 days, and hearing the constant worship music, and seeing all the kids and teens excited about God.
Now, to get packing, and I am sure tomorrow, the day after you read this, I will write about how much fun we had.