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Kids and Divorce

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I hurt the feelings of my 11 year old niece today.
I was told that her and one of my boys was trying to leave the other boy out, and tell secrets in front of him- excluding him from their games.
I told all the kids that telling secrets and letting someone know they can’t be a part of it is wrong and hurtful.
I was right, but I also did not know the whole story…yet.
When I asked my son who was being told the secret what had happened, he told me that she was just telling him that she has to move.
I felt horrible, because the reason she has to move is that her parents are getting a divorce. The reason she was telling secrets was because she needed someone to talk to about what is going on and how she is feeling.
When I called her into my office and apologized, she almost broke down.
I hugged her and told her an acceptable way to talk to someone without hurting another’s feelings. I also told her she can talk about anything she wants to with me or Uncle Dan, or one of her older cousins.
Then, when she left to go an play with the boys, I prayed for her.
I am at a loss as to how to help this little sweetheart, whose world is now being turned upside-down.
Divorce is such a difficult thing, especially for kids.
As adults we can rationalize and sort of understand why and how- but kids only see their families breaking and they don’t know what will happen to them or their parents.
It is a scary thing for kids, and they need to know they can talk about it if they need or want to.
I hope her world will be made stable again… soon.

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2 Responses to “Kids and Divorce”

  1. April Says:

    I’m sorry your niece, and family, is going through this. It is so hard to decide between being glad they have a trusted friend and being an adult trying to keep a watch on what kids are doing. Thank God she has a good support system in her cousins and you.

  2. Parenting and Religion » Blog Archive » Custodial Parent Advice…Please Don’t Use Kids as Weapons! Says:

    [...] please feel free to comment. It is so hard to see kids going through things such as parents divorcing, and as adults, it can be difficult for us to know how to make it easier on them, and understand [...]

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Family and Religion is about relationship issues within a family, from a Biblical Perspective. Parenting, Marriage, and other aspects of family life will be discussed by Jean Lockwood, wife of Pastor Dan Lockwood, and mother of 7 children. Jean will share her own experiences with the goal of encouraging, and offering hope and joy.

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