Parenting and Religion

As I was talking to my daughter Rachel last night, I was once again made aware of the double standard we hold as parents when it comes to daughters and sons.
We may think we are fair, and that we are justified in our differing between them- but to them it appears that we are NOT fair, and that we should treat them all alike. I am not talking about disciplinary things here, I am talking about our expectations and rules for life.
It especially becomes clear when they are teenagers- we really do have a double standard. I know in our house we do.
For instance- when our oldest was 12, he had a girlfriend. They even kissed!
I thought he was too young, my husband said “No he isn’t!”
Now we have Rachel, 13, liking a boy. (who is, by the way, older than her).
Dan and I decided together that we think she is too young to have a boyfriend, holding hands- anything physical- is out of the question.
We have decided to let her have a friendship with this boy, under our supervision, and for us to get to know him too.
When I talked to Rachel about this, she agreed that she is too young to have any kind of physical relationship with a boy. But when she found out her older brother, Joe, had his dad’s “ok” to have a girlfriend at 12, who was older than him, she flipped!
It doesn’t seem fair, but that’s the way it is.
I told her that generally, father’s are much more protective of their daughters than they are of their sons.
Then I used my standby reason for anything to do with Joe, “Parents make most of their mistakes on their firstborn!”
Then we learn what to do and what not to do with the others…funny, but true in a lot of ways.
Rachel is alright with the rules we have established, but she honestly is more worried about Joe meeting her friend than she is about her dad meeting him.
Since Joe is her older brother, and has seen what boys can be like by being one, and by having experience with defending his friends who are girls…. she thinks Joe will give this boy a hard time.
I told her that is a guaruntee!
I believe we do hold a double standard, in may ways.
But this is NOT bad.
We are different from eachother, and men and women are not the same as eachother…no matter what the world tries to tell us.
It is time we stopped trying to pretend we are the same.
Our kids need to know we aren’t, and they need to be taught to appreciate our differences…even if it means some rules seem like they are not fair.

teenagers, rules for teens, teen dating, double standard, differences between sexes, rules for dating