Custodial Parent Advice…Please Don’t Use Kids as Weapons!
I know someone right now, whose child is being used as an emotional manipulation weapon against her.
The emotional manipulation comes from the father of the child using anger to bring the child to tears, hoping the crying will manipulate the mother into doing what he wants.
How do we handle such things?
Why do parents use their kids like this, and what can the custodial parent do to control the situation?
I would really like some input here, if anyone has had experience with such things.
Yes, divorce is nasty, and it is hard- but kids shouldn’t be the weapons used to fight.
My friend is at a loss as to what to do. Does she force her child (11 years old) to go with her when she goes somewhere (they still live in the household), or does she leave her with her non-custodial soon to be ex, who is using anger to manipulate the tears, and the cries to stay home?
Last night she left her there, hesitatingly. She was worried about her, and decided that this would be his weekend visitation- it might as well begin now, right?
She wants to know how to help the child adjust, and how to respond to the tears and the manipulation.
Moving out will come very soon, and might be even harder.
If anyone has any helpful suggestions, please feel free to comment.
It is so hard to see kids going through things such as parents divorcing, and as adults, it can be difficult for us to know how to make it easier on them, and understand all the fear, and emotional upset it can cause.
Please pray for this family.
November 13th, 2007 at 7:03 am
I have found through experiance and talking to others that most often the one using the children is the custodial parent. They will do anything to distroy the child’s relationship with the visitation parent so the child won’t want to go thereby hurting the visitation parent and emotionally stunting the child, all the while laughing all the way to the bank with the child support check.
November 13th, 2007 at 7:31 am
That is not the case in this situation. The child is being used by the non-custodial parent getting angry if she goes with the custodial parent- then leaving to go out and party when she stays home.
The manipulation is getting the child afraid to go with the custodial parent- because daddy will be angry.
Thank you for commenting.
November 13th, 2007 at 11:43 am
Here are somethings we learned:
1.Pray and ask God for wisdom and wise counsel
2.Don’t bad mouth the other parent
3.Use the court order for example; “Honey the court says you need to be with me right now”
4. Let the child know she can love both parents even if she can’t see both equally
5.Change the court order that the visitation parent must be there for visitation
6. Once you are moved out have the visitation parent pick the child up from school and then drop the child off there the next day, they usually won’t make a show in public
7. Keep a record of everything but don’t let the child know
8.Give the child time to adjust from one parent to another
9. Let the child call the other parent if he behaves badly she will get tired of it but don’t forbid her or she will resent you
I hope this helps