Parenting and Religion

If you read my previous post, you know that a dear family member died in a way that is very difficult for those of us who loved him to handle. I wanted to share a few things I have learned since his death.
1) Never assume that you know what is going on inside anyone. I didn’t see my uncle more than once or twice a year in recent years, but he seemed just right to me when I did see him. Happy, looking forward to the future, and very giving and outgoing.

2) Trying to make sense out of something that doesn’t make sense, is senseless. It will never really make sense to those of us who are left to mourn his loss, why he did what he did. All we can do is go on, pray for comfort for each other, and do our best to live by remembering his life, rather than how he died.

3) Don’t wait to tell someone how much they mean to you. I have a huge extended family. My dad is one of seven kids, my mom is one of four. I am one of five, all of whom have children, and one has grandchildren. I have seven kids myself. With so many people, sometimes it is easy to not keep in touch, to not reach out, to only see each other when it just happens. Then, when a death occurs everyone in the family regrets not being closer and enjoying the company of everyone else in the family more. I am guilty of not telling people how much they mean to me. I find it hard to be emotion expressive, but I need to change that.

4) Death hurts. It hurts a lot. Especially when it was obviously avoidable. Healing comes slowly sometimes, but it will come.

5) Life is worth living, and change is worth waiting for. Sometimes we may feel like things will never change. Like we will be stuck with this particular problem forever. Life is cycle, and constantly changing. Some changes are easier to live with than others, but change is always there to help us get along in life, and to not be stuck in any situation that is unbearable.

6) God’s grace and mercy are bigger than anything we go through. If you are going through something, call on the Lord to give you what you need to get through it. When we go through hard times, it means we are coming to easier times. Hold on, pray, and stand firm.

I am sure there is more, but those are the things that God has made more clear to me in the last two weeks.
I am thankful for my family. I love them all.

Tragedy struck my family this week, in the form of death by choice.
Yes, suicide.
Death is difficult to understand at times, but when it is by the person’s own hand it is even more difficult to understand, perhaps impossible.
So, what does love do?

Love……….
for the remaining family; Our love for each other will help us all be strong, go on with life, and hopefully become so determined to not let anything like this strike us again, that we band together to be alright. Honesty, and recognition of the reality of the pain that can be hidden, may be the things that help us prevent another tragedy like this from ever happening again.

Love………
for the one who died; will help us to focus on the good memories, be sympathetic for what he must have been going through, and care more for each other in his memory.

Love………
of God; will be our strength, be our comfort, bring joy even in the midst of pain. The hope that comes only from faith in God, will enable us to forgive the one who is gone, and to count on seeing him again when we see God.

Love…………
is what enables us to hold on to God, hold on to each other, and become better- rather than bitter.

Remember, death is temporary.
Life is eternal- through Christ alone.
Life isn’t about what happens to us. Life is about what we do with what happens to us.
I choose to remember the good, even when I am angry and sad. Right now, I am angry and sad, but love is bigger than anger and will help me through the sadness.
I choose to remember, I choose to become better.
I choose love.

I had a revelation the other day, andi t has offered me a perspective that I didn’t have before.
My kids are growing up.
Now, I know I have said this before, but the revelation I got was awesome to me.
I suddenly realized that this is the first time in almost 23 years, that I have no little ones that I must keep my eyes on every minute. My youngest child is now old enough to go out to play with his older brothers, and I don’t have to supervise every moment. They can ride their bikes, play ball, and roller blade, with me checking on them every once in a while, rather than me having to be out there with them all the time.
For a long time I would get sad about not having little ones anymore.
Now, I am feeling the freedom that having older kids offers- and I LIKE IT!
I am beginning to really look forward to seeing what God has in store for me and my family, with this new freedom.
My perspective has changed, and my vision is beginning to clear from the busyness of being a mom of little ones.
My sights are becoming set on this new phase of life.
I know things are constantly changing, and that life is full of new things, but being here has never been before….and I want to make it count.
Being the mom of many is such a blessing.
As they grow up, I am enjoying each step along the way.
Now that they are all over 6, I am enjoying a freedom that has not been since I became a mom, a freedom that is different than before I became a mom, a freedom to still be needed, but also have time for other things in life.
Being mom is wonderful. I love it and wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Being a mom who has had the best makes it even better.
Once a mom, always a mom…..even when they grow up. (but free to also be the other parts of me).

I don’t know what summer is like for other families, but for us it is a change of the normal pace of things. More fun, more sun, and sometimes much busier than other times of the year may be.
One thing that I have decided to do in the midst of all the busyness, is to make time for at least one fun day a week. We have already begun taking a walk on a trail once a week (approximately) with the kids. I also plan on taking the kids to the park, to the beach (a lake beach….too far from the ocean), or a skate park or something at least once a week. In July and August there is a movie theatre that offers free family films twice a week, we will take advantage of that. Beyond that, August is full.
Camping, camping, and camping again.
First, camping at Kingdom Bound (Darien Lake), then at Shiloh campground where Dan will be preaching for a week, then at the Kids For Utica summer camp.
We also have two weddings this month, birthdays, and our 29th anniversary next month. With so much busyness, it is more important than ever to keep things stress free. One way we can do that, is to pray about things before we decide whether or not to add something to our schedule. Another thing we can do, is to keep our focus on doing the things that we already know are God’s will for our family, and that will benefit the family.

The last blog I wrote was about getting organized, getting rid of clutter. I have made a good dent, but there is still a ways to go. I think that is the one thing I needed to do to cut down on my own stress level.
Having less clutter makes me feel more free to enjoy doing the things that I want to do with the family. Summer is almost here, and the clutter is going. Fun, family, and busyness will be easier for me to relax with, knowing that I have more in order.
Now, to tackle the next area that will help me have more freedom…what else can I get rid of?