Parenting and Religion

I thought I would share that today is National Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day.
So, in honor of Bubble Wrap, visit here.

As I was trying to decide what blog to put this in, I decided to put it in both of them because when parents unite, it helps the marriage and when husband and wife unite, it helps the parenting.

What I am dealing with right now, is the idea of what to do when you have a child (teenager at the moment), who outrightly is into arguing to make a point. It doesn’t really matter what the point is, or even if it is something worth arguing about- they just want to make their point (of course the opposite of your point as a parent).

That is what seems to be the big challenge here lately, and Dan and I have come up with a solution together- we refuse to argue with them. (not easy when they are wrong- but worth keeping peace in the home).

What I mean is, we decided to refuse them the opportunity to push our buttons by saying the way it is, and if they voice an opposition we don’t get into a shouting match. We are however willing to discuss things unemotionally. That is the key- to remain unemotional.

Not an easy task when we are emotional as parents, and want the best for our kids- but a needed task if we don’t want to be trapped into a shouting match.

I have learned from experience with my adult children, that if I keep my cool, they will get tired of trying to prove their point. If I loseit, and get emotional, they want to make their point even more- and will say hurtful things to do so.

Keeping my cool is not easy, especially when it is something I have conviction about. Sometimes I have to call an end to the conversation, and let them know I disagree but will not discuss it any further. This type of thing is important to be a united front with your spouse on because you need to stick together.

Not only on how much talking you are willing to do, but on the consequences of crossing the line into arguing and manipulating. These things must be agreed on and enforced.
For instance: if the disagreement is about TV, the parents must agree on what is acceptable for viewing. Of course there will be oppposition, but if it escalates into arguing and manipulating- the consequence should have to do with TV. Something such as setting parental controls (which should be done anyhow), or being stricter for a while (grounding?) may work to curb the argument- but must be agreed on by the parents.

When it comes right down to it, the more parents can agree on - the more peace there will be in the home. Being in agreement is the deciding factor.

Friday was my son Troy’s 8th birthday. How fast time flies. Must be I am having fun, huh?
I fugure, I might as well enjoy the ride, and having a house full of kids helps.
I am blessed to have all of them, but today I am reminded of the unique blessing each individual child is.
Troy is amazing. He is 8, and very smart.
I am not just saying that because I am his mom- he really is smart.
He is also very talented. His art work would make most teenagers (and adults who can only draw stick figures - such as me) jealous.
You know how kids stop offering hugs as they get older- well, Troy gives them more. He is full of “I love you”’s and hugs.
He is one of those kids who is sensitive when you yell, and gets easily upset- but he is also quick to forgive, gentle and loving.
For an 8 yr. old, Troy is very old.
He already cares what his hair looks like, and he takes baths because he wants to….unlike his little brother.
I am Troy’s mom, and that means I am blessed.
I have been trying to see the individual gifts in my kids, and appreciate what they each have to offer.
I see in Troy a love for the Lord, and a genuine love for his brothers and sisters. I see compassion, generosity, humor, and a willingness to help others.
Most important, I see him demonstrate the Love of Jesus. I see tears when others hurt, and joy when others celebrate.
I see Christ in action.
I am blessed.

Sometimes the biggest challenges to parenting can be things like knowing what to do.
Put simply- kids are foolish, do foolish things, and act in foolish ways. When do we, the parents, finally get to see them act grown up?
How do we react to the foolishness, the bad decisions, and the outright stupidity they seem to be possessed with at times?
We pray, and we love them.
We ask God for wisdom- to know how to gfet them under control.
We ask God for patience- so we don’t go crazy trying to fix things.
We ask God for self control- so we don’t destroy the relationship by acting in a worse way than they are.
We ask God for love- to be able to continue displaying His love for them, and our love for them, even when they make it hard to love.
And one final thing we may ask God for- that they will come to their senses…..SOON!

I have a friend who called me this morning, and is asking God these things right now. Her son is 21. He insists that he is a grown man, and can make his own choices. But they are very stupid, childish choices. Her question to me was “What do I do?”
My answer was “Pray!”
I know it seems trite- but what else is there?
Without getting the peace and wisdom God can offer in these situations, we can really mess things up. Our desire as Christian parents, is to have our kids follow Christ, be responsible adults, and make good choices along the way.
Each child is different, therefore the answer for how to handle each my be different.
I know some of you areprobably thinking- “Oh, show some tough love…”
That is not always the answer. Sometimes we need to show some support, encouragement and spend some time fasting and praying for our kids.
That is why we need to pray- so we can have peace and wisdom in doing what we do to help the child in question get on the right track.
So, here’s a challenge- pray!
Pray for yourself, pray for your kids, pray for your family.
It sure can’t hurt, and it may make all the difference.

Dinner table talk is interesting at our house. It can go anywhere from what the day was like, to jokes, to what is your favorite song, to sex, to prayer requests, to different kinds of poop (yes, I am serious!).
One of the best dinner table conversations we have had was centered around how blessed we are.
I know it is uncommon in today’s society for the whole family to eat together, but in our house that’s what we do.
I find it a wonderful time to get in touch with what is going on in the lives of my kids, and a great opportunity to talk as a family and keep relationships growing. Dinner time can be a fun time of interactive communication (talking to each other), or a quiet time to enjoy being together.
Enjoy your family with dinner together. Even peanut butter and jelly sandwiches can be made fun with family.

I spent most of Monday at the hospital, sitting and praying in the ICU waiting room. I was there for my friend, who was there for her son. He had taken 60 pills the night before, and was not doing too well.
The suicide attempt was bad, but what they found after is scary too. They found that this young man has a heart defect that could have caused him to all of a sudden die. He was born with it, and will require surgery to have it corrected.
Thank God they found it, and thank God he was unsuccessful in killing himself- he has a lot of life ahead of him.
Please pray for this family.
The mom is a single mom, so the support of a spouse is not there. The kids are rebellious and 2 of them are depressed. My job is to lift them up and encourage them. Your job now, is to pray. We are responsible for what we know- so I thank you in advance.
As a mom of many, I can relate to her fear and her questioning God.
As a Christian woman who has seen miracles happen, I offer her hope and support.
As a child of the King, I offer her the encouragement that she is loved, and things will get better.
Thank God for the hope He places within us, and the love He gives us- without Him we are nothing.

Sometimes the things we need to do in order to make sure our kids are ok, are hard things. Take a family we are close to for example. Their son had a breakdown when he was 16. He was suicidal, and ended up in a Psychiatric ward for a couple of weeks. They found some medicine that seemed to help him, and had many people praying for him.
When they got to the counseling part of his therapy, he told them how he felt trapped at home. He couldn’t function properly because of strife, feeling like his parents were not in control, and there was no order to his life.
His parents did a very hard thing. They had him move. He moved to another town and lived with relatives who were strict with rules, encouraging to him, and took him to church. He ended up developing a personal relationship with Jesus, making friends, and becoming a high honors student.
The parents in this family are very supportive of their son, and they make sure they go see him in school events, and keep in regular contact with him.
They also got him off the meds rather quickly, and found some natural things that help.
He is doing very well, and is now planning his future.
Decisions such as the one this family made are hard to make.
Parents tend to think people will think they failed their own family if they send their kids away. But in cases such as this, that is the best they could have done.
By taking steps that benefit the child, they really benefit the whole family.
In my opinion, that is success- helping children grow up healthy and responsible.
It may not be easy, but if we get pride out of the way, it is more probable.

The other night Andy (5) started crying hysterically. Dan ran upstairs to find out what was wrong. It turns out he had touched a light bulb, and thought he was going to die.
He is all of a sudden afraid at times, and asks “Will this make me die?” a lot.
He had been told that if you put your finger in the light socket, you could get hurt or die- that is where the light bulb fear came in. A logical conclusion if you are 5, I guess, but the other things he comes up with- wow!
He climbed in my bed the other noght and said “Mommy, I’m scared!” Now, I could tell he just wanted to be there, and not in his own bed, but what he came up with to be scared about was almost funny.
I said “Why are you scared?”
He answered “Because there might be a tornado some time.”
I told him we don’t get tornados this time of year, and almost never around here, but he insisted that we could because it was supposed to get warmer real fast, and Danny told him if the warm air and the cold air meet up with each other, they can start a tornado.
Wow! What to do with stories (never mind if they are true) that big brothers tell?
I told him the truth, that tornados can be made that way- but we almost never get them around here.
His newest thing now, is that he is starving. I don’t mean just that he is hungry- he knows that starving means you are going to die if you don’t eat food- right now!
In his 5 year old understanding, he no longer says he is starving. Instead he says “I need food, my belly is running out of food!”
Not “I’m hungry”- but not quite “I’m starving” either.
And rather than have the effect of making me feel bad for him, it makes me laugh.
I am going to miss these little ways of a young child when he no longer comes up with this sort of reasoning.
They are simple, yet when I think about it- maybe he does know more than me.

Sometimes looking back is good- such as remembering what we have seen God do in our lives, and thinking on things that will encourage us to go on with Him, and have vision for the future.
Looking back over 2007, with the right perspective, can be great incentive for 2008.
Making a list of the things we accomplished, prayers that were answered, growth we have made, and ways we have seen our children grow in the last year- can help us with a plan and a vision for this year.
Making resolutions that will encourage growth, enable us to become better people, and better parents, and concentrating on the good things in life- these are things that can only help us.
Beginning a new year is a great time to begin to make changes.
I for one want 2008 to be a year of opportunities taken, growth made, and relationships strengthened.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!