Parenting and Religion

Have you ever known anyone who was angry at God?
Maybe you feel angry at God sometimes, or feel like He knew what was going to happen, so why didn’t He stop it.
I was talking to someone last night who seems to be very angry at God. He has a relationship with God, has accepted Jesus as his savior, but blames God for everything that happens.
I have a very close relationship with this person, but when someone is so angry and they know the right way to handle it, I try to not say too much about it to them.
I am praying for him.
I also will look for opportunities to encourage him to be honest with God. He already knows what is going on inside of us, so why not tell Him and at the same time ask him to help us deal with our anger and our hearts attitude towards Him.
I am also praying that this person remember that they need to take responsibility for their own decisions and actions. So often we make bad decisions, and do things we know we shouldn’t, but then find some way to place blame on someone else.
We also seem to expect that because we are Christians, God will make our lives perfect for us- because we believe in and love Him.
Not true.
Often we will go through tests and times of distress because we were foolish, or made a mistake, or even thought we were doing the right thing, and it turned out to be the wrong thing.
As a parent, I try to make my kids take responsibility for their actions. Not place blame, and not expect that they will always have it easy.
We also tend to look at God like He plays favorites. It seems like that person over there has it so easy, therefore, God must love her more than He loves me, right? Everything goes right for them, but not for me. God must think they are better than me.
Not true.
As a parent, I can honestly say that I don’t love one of my children more than another. I may treat them different from eachother, and I know I do- because they are each different from the others.
What is right for one may not be right for the others. The disciplinary action that is right for one, may not be right for the others.
They are each individual people with unique sets of needs.
God sees us the same way.
He sees us each one apart from the other, not one clump of children.
Therefore He will deal with each of us as individuals, yet extend to each of us His Grace, Mercy and Love.
We each make different mistakes, but some mistakes have higher consequences than others.
God made a way of forgiveness, and He willingly forgives, but that odesn’t mean there will be no consequences.
I also believe He restores us,completely.
But that doesn’t mean He erases the natural consequece of what we have already set in motion.
He can, but He won’t most of the time.
If we continue to mess up in the same areas, the consequences of our decisions will be worse and the ability to fight temptation will be less.
If we blame God for our life decisions and consequences, telling ourselves that He should have prevented us from doing those things or facing those consequences- we are in essence telling God we don’t want free will, and that we should be able to do whatever we want to without our choices effecting our lives in any negative way.
I remember a talk I had with my oldest daughter, when she was 16, about consequences.
She told me that she thought Dan and I are too leanient. That she thought she could probably do almost anything and get away with it.
I told her that her dad and I believe that every decision has a consequence- either good or bad- and that some of them were consequences that might effect her whole life. I explained that we had brought her up to know right from wrong, and to love the Lord. If we really love Him we will obey Him.
That means making good decisions and doing the right thing. Any punishment her dad and I could hand out wouldn’t have the effect that the consequences she may have to face for bad choices might make.
I also told her that each time we disobey God, it becomes easier to disobey the next time- and harder to make the right choice. One thing does lead to another.
If you or anyone you know, are angry with God for your life decisions and the consequences of those decisions, ask God to help you see things in proper perspective. He will understand and help you deal with getting rid of the anger, and own up to responsibility for yourself.
He really knows already…..so what can you lose?
Anger

anger, angry at God, dealing with anger

I took the opportunity to sleep late today, and then I overslept. I guess I needed to catch up on my sleep. For some reason I have a very hard time going to bed early in the summer. By early I mean 11:00. I tend to want to be up until 1 or 2, but I still have yo get up at the same time. I don’t know if it is the heat, or the fact that it doesn’t get dark until after 9, or what…but I miss my sleep and I still want to stay up.
It’s not only me, but the whole family that is like this. Last night we did ok, but I have been staying up late and getting up early for almost 2 weeks…it caught up to me.
This weekend is the graduation party for my daughter and her husband, so the next couple of days will be very busy. They are also moving into their apartment, and our dog is going to a new home. A lot of stuff happening at once.
It is easy for me to let myself get overwhelmed with so much going on and so much to do, but already I can tell God is doing His peace thing.
I got a phone call this morning from the kids dentist, cancelling 2 appointments I had to get to today…so that is a big help.
I also have been praying a lot, and I know that will keep the peace here.
(Amp.)
Isaiah 26:3 says;
You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.

Keeping my mind stayed on God, that is what keeps me in peace.

Dan is taking Danny to work with him today. I think that is a great way for them to spend time together.
I know I have said in previous posts that Dan is a Pastor, but I don’t think I’ve mentioned that he also has one of the sweetest secular jobs there is- he is a candy man.
That has it’s good points and of course a few bad points (like too much candy!).
This is what I think of him as a candy man:

Candyman (Sammy Davis Jr.)

Who can take a sunrise,
Sprinkle it with dew?
Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two…
The candyman, the candyman can,
The candyman can ’cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good…

Who can take a rainbow,
Wrap it in a sigh?
Soak it in the sun and make the stra’bry lemon pie
The candyman? The candyman can…
The candyman can ’cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good…

The Candyman makes
everything he bakes
Satisfying and delicious.
Talk about your childhood wishes.
You can even eat the dishes!

Who can take tomorrow,
Dip it in a dream?
Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream,
The candyman? The Candyman can, the candyman can…
The candyman can ’cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good…
And the world tastes good
’cause the candyman thinks it should…..

It is a lot of fun riding around with the candy man when he has candy to share. He makes everyone smile- bank tellers, toll collectors, kids, teachers, our dentist….well him in a different way I guess.
Have a sweet day.

I am sort of a happy/sad right now. My first child to leave home is moving out this weekend. I know it is for the best for her and her husband to get an apartment, and I am happy for them.
I also know that we are all in for quite an adjustment. Yes, it has been crowded here. Yes, we don’t have much room. Yes, I will be glad to have my office back.
But………..
I will miss seeing them every day.
I will miss having the dinner table set for 10 every night.
I will miss their laughter and their cute ways with my other kids.
I will miss them being here, I guess that about sums it up. Them just being here.

Now, for my plans………
I am going to have my office back, and we will have our downstairs bathroom back!!!
YippEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

I know it seems that I am going from one extreme to the other, and maybe I am.
But I am a mother, with a mother’s heart.
I love my kids, and want to have them with me forever, but I know it is normal and in God’s plan for them to leave and go on to do His will, using the gifts He has given them, doing what He wants of them.
His plans are always best.
So I will continue to do my job of being mom, and praying for them.
And I may cry that first night they are gone- but I will also rejoice in God’s goodness and faithfulness to always watch over them and take care of them.
After all, they were His kids first.

I have been trying to think of some fun things to do with the whole family, which can be a challenge with such a wide age range. We almost always end up doing things like, playing kickball, but not counting the youngest’s goofs or scores. There is also the fact that as kids grow up they become busier than ever, so some may not be there when we do these fun things.
We always go to “Kingdom Bound”- all of us. We have only missed one year out of 20, and we all really look forward to it. The festival is held at Darien Lake Theme Park, between Rochester and Buffalo NY. We get there early the first morning, and have all day to be in the park and go on rides before the festival officially starts. That also presents the problem of, there are only 2 or three rides suitable for all of us, so we split up after those rides. I always end up taking the younger set of kids, and Dan goes with whoever wants to ride roller coaster…which I once loved, but now avoid at all costs ( I guess when it comes to rides, I am a wimp).

Another fun thing we have done, though not all of us do it anymore-just those who enjoy it, is scrapbooking. Scrapbooking is a wonderful family time. When you get the photos out and begin remembering good times, it can be very rewarding. Young children love to put together a page for themselves. I have a small scrapbook which I use just for the kids to do. It is called our silly family funny book. I let them use pictures that either came out funny or were meant to be funny, and they each do a page or two. The favorite embellishment for my kids to use, is stickers. They LOVE my sticker book. One time I remember someone doing a page of all stickers. Teresa McClary (http://www.scrapropos.com), has some wonderful ideas and quotes up on her site. She is also running a contest. Check it out if you are interested in scrapbooking.
Another family fun thing is picnics. I think picnics have always been a favorite thing for me in the summer. I remember my mom making salads and packing the cooler. Seeing the cooler out was what would give us the hint that a picnic was on the agenda for the day.
When I was about 10, we started camping regularly. That was the ultimate fun time for me. Meeting other kids my age, going for walks on the trails, swimming and canoeing- all a blast.
This year we will be doing the camping thing with our kids for the first time. I hope they love it as much as I did.
Whatever you do with your family this summer, remember to have fun. I know when you are the mom it is easy to get overwhelmed with all the details. I am determined NOT to miss out on the fun for the formalities….
Now, I need to get cooking for the Graduation Party next weekend, oh did I remember to order the cake??…Oh no, I forgot to get the lawn chairs out…I hope everyone got their invitations…oh no I forgot…………

Just kidding, have a wonderful day!!!

I guess you could say that if age is determined by how we feel inside, I feel about 8 right now. I just got done walking in puddles with my boys, and we had a blast.
I know puddle jumping isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but you must admit that there are childish things all of us “adults” like to do. I happen to love walking in puddles and playing in the rain. My husband love wrestling with the boys, and acting silly.
I love merry-go-rounds, and he loves to swing at the playground.
Jesus told us “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
(Matt 18:2-4, NIV)
I know we usually interpret this to mean “the faith of a child”, but I really believe that if we are going to have faith as a child, sometimes we need to let go of our more mature serious side and act like we really want to inside- silly and adventurous.
Aside from the fact that it is fun, our kids get to see a side of us that says “I enjoy being with you”, and that doing fun things is ok, even when you are grown up.
So, the next time it rains- grab your kids,take your shoes off, and take a walk in the puddles.
It will do you all a world of good.

a href=’http://www.parentingandreligion.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/prayer.jpg’ title=’prayer.jpg’>As a mom, I tend to want to fix things for my kids. Boo-boos need bandaides, colds and flu need chicken soup, a headache needs tylenol…right?
I am learning though, that seeing the immediate need for action in the natural things I can do, should be second to the action of spiritual things I can do.
A few weeks ago my four year old son was crying. He said “I have a boo-boo!”.
Of course I immediately picked him up and kissed the boo-boo. He kept on crying.
I said “Honey, mommy kissed it, doesn’t it feel better?”
He looked at me and said, “Don’t kiss it! Pray for it!”.
Wow!
I was excited that he would ask for prayer, but I also felt bad that prayer wasn’t my first response.
I know as a Christian that prayer should ALWAYS be my first response, but my natural need to do natural things seems to take over
My husband, on the other hand, almost always thinks to pray right away. Not only does he think to pray right away, he doesn’t even always say “Let’s pray” before he starts. He just starts praying, and assumes everyone present is praying with him.
That is how I want to be. First things first. The important before the urgent.
I guess we were told to pray unceasingly, and maybe that is why- so it would be our first response, our first action.
After all, prayer gets better results than a kissed boo-boo.

For as long as I can remember, musicals have been a part of my life. I guess I could blame it on my parents, early exposure to musicals such as “Fiddler OnThe Roof”, “Oklahoma”, “South Pacific”, “The Music Man”, “The Wizard of Oz”. Even cartoon musicals such as “Peter Pan”, “Cinderella”, and “Lady and The Tramp”. I guess you could call my family “Musical-a-holics”.
For the last couple of days my dad and I have been sending eachother musical clips from youtube.com.
I have been having a blast. I guess you might ask “What does this have to do with parenting and religion?”
Well, let me tell you. My religion is not just about religion, it is about relationship. My relationship with my savior.
My Father, God, wants me to have a great relationship with my parents. He wants me to honor and respect my mom and dad. I believe that as an adult child I can do that by having fun with them, just like I can have fun with my own kids.
Playing this -”What song will you send me now?”- thing is honoring to the relationship we have. It brings back good memories, and enables us to communicate with love and humor.
I am thankful to have my parents. As long as I have them, I will enjoy them.
And I hope to bring them joy too.

Laughter, what a wonderful thing. Have you ever seen somebody laugh, and you don’t know what they are laughing at, but seeing and hearing them laugh makes you laugh too?
Have you ever just laughed until you cry?
Can you always remember why you laughed so hard at something, or does it not seem quite as funny later?
Do you let yourself enjoy life, and laugh?
Have you ever felt silly watching a funny movie alone, and laughing right out loud?
Do you allow humor to enter a grim situation and give you a laugh?
The Bible says “A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” (Prov.17:22, Amp.)
I have to admit, I used to not let myself laugh at myself, or any situation that seemed serious to me, such as hollering at my kids (yes, even I do that once in a great while).
I have come to the point of no return now though, I have decided to laugh. I know I have always had such a serious outlook on life, so much that I was being robbed of having fun sometimes, because I would not laugh along with others. Now, I look at life as something that God gave us to enjoy, and that even God laughs with us at times. If He can laugh, then all the more reason for me to laugh.
I was trying one Sunday morning to get all the kids (all 8 of them) out of the house on time, and I was fighting a cold on top of that. Some of you know how hard it can be for everyone to be ready to go anywhere on time- so you can relate to this.
Dan isn’t here Sunday mornings to help, He is at church getting ready for the service.
As I was reaching the boiling point, I yelled “OK, everyone out to the van! I AM leaving NOW!”
All of a sudden all of the kids started laughing at me, and I said “What’s so funny??!! That we are going to be late AGAIN??!!”
Then my 16 year old son said “Mom, your voice sounds like a boy’s whose voice is changing. I said “It does NOT” with the “NOT” screeching to a high pitch.
“Oh my goodNESS!” I said, screeching again.
We all laughed all the way to church. When we were going in the church, one of the kids said “Mom, don’t sing too loud today. People might think you are going through puberty.”
That made me laugh even more.
I know it sounds silly to some who have never let themselves laugh at themselves, but to me it helps life to be more fun, more free, more full of life.

Funerals and Weddings, the family meeting and reunion places.
At least for my family.
In the last week we have been to a friends funeral, and a family members wedding.
I decided that I really do prefer weddings over funerals.
The groom was my Uncle, someone we all thought would NEVER get married.
SURPRISE!!
They seem to be very happy together, and all I could think of when I was watching the ceremony, was how happy my grandmother would be. I know she was always concerned for her sons to not be alone. She wanted them to have someone to spend their lives with, someone to love and to be loved by.
She wanted all seven of her children to be taken care of.
Now all but one are married, and I don’t think that one ever will marry….but I could be wrong…right?
Only God knows.
Grandma is with the Lord now, and I am sure He gave her a window to look through so she could witness one of her prayers being answered.
The Bible tells us we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses. I believe that includes those who have loved us and are now with the Lord in heaven.
Yes, I believe heaven is a real place where people really go when they die… if they have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.
God wants us all to be with Him, that is why He sent Jesus.
(John 3:16)
Weddings, celebrations of love, are wonderful. Knowing you are loved and being able to love in return- there is nothing like it.

Dad,
I thought I would share a few memories I have of you with everyone who reads this.
One of my earliest memories is of piggy-back rides around the rooms on Southport St. You would give each of us kids a turn, and that was a lot of fun, but the best part was when you gave mom a turn. I remember all of us laughing so hard, thinking you would drop her.
I also remember when mom worked at Isards Department store. We always looked forward to you cooking dinner, because we always ended up eating McDonalds, Pizza, or popcorn…instead of whatever it was you had burned.
I remember running out to meet you when you would come home from work at night, you always took time to hug me.
I remember when our dog, Lady died. That was the first time I ever saw you cry, and I will never forget how sad I felt for you.
I remember when I wanted to stay at Grandma Troy’s house, and you said “no, not tonight.”
I told her to tell you to let me stay, after all she was your mom, so you had to do what she said…right? She told me otherwise. She told me that I should always listen to my father, because he knows what is best for me.
I remember how I thought you were a hero when you let a stranger come stay with us after the flood. I thought you must have been the nicest, bravest dad in the world.
I also remember arguing with Tony Irvine and Paul Verity, about whose dad was the strongest. They each insisted that their dad was the strongest, but I knew the truth…mine was.
I remember when we played Monopoly in the middle of the night…but I don’t remember who won.
I remember when you told me in front of a boy who came to pick me up for a date “I like Dan Lockwood better!”, and how humiliated I was. By the end of the night though, I knew I did too.
I remember when we were ready to walk down the aisle on my wedding day, how you looked like you weren’t so sure this was the right thing after all. It was the right thing dad, and I know you still like Dan better.
I remember when you and mom were there when I gave birth to Joey, and how special it was to have you there.
There are a lot more wonderful memories I have of you dad, but I can’t fit them all in here.
Just know that I am thankful to God for making me be born to you and mom. Thank you for introducing me to Jesus, and continuing to be an example of God’s wisdom, goodness, and love for me.
I love you Dad.

Love,
Jeannie

What is the best thing that Dan and I, as a married couple, can do for our children?
Show them by example how to have two good relationships.
1) with God
2) with eachother
The way they see us outside of church is the way they will remember us.
It is easy to be in an attitude of prayer, and be nice to people when we are around others.
But it is how we are at home that they will learn from.
My main focus has to be keeping my relationships in right order, beginning withmy relationship with God.
My testimony is that I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. If my children are going to grow up with a good example of what that means, it is up to me to give it to them. They need to see me reading my Bible, praying, and taking them to church. They need to see me being serious about the things of God, and trying my hardest to live up to the standard He has set in His Word.
They need to see me turn the TV off if something objectionable comes on. They need to see my choices of company be people who are good for my Christian growth, and at the same time see me befriend people who need me to be a witness to them of a person who has repented of sin and been forgiven.
They need to see me be led by my pastor/husband in prayer, and agreement.
They also need to see Dan and I disagree, and that it is ok that we disagree on some issues (and believe me, we do!)
Dan and I together have to be examples to them of how a couple should communicate with eachother, and how to resolve arguements.
They need to see us ask for, give, and accept forgiveness from eachother.
They need to see us leave the past in the past.
They need to see us love eachother by being considerate of what the other wants and needs.
Little things can mean a lot when it comes to being considerate.
One example I can give is parking our van. I love it when I go out and the van is backed into the driveway. I am not great at that, so I don’t do it myself, but when I see that Dan has backed it in, it is as if he is telling me he loves me.
My kids know this, and now our oldest daughter has begun backing it in when she has used it. She does this on pupose to tell me she loves me too.
That tells me that she gets it, as I hope they all do.

I remember when I was upset that my 4 year old did something destructive (but of course I can’t remember what it was), about 17 years ago.
I talked to my sister-in-law, and she gave me some advice that changed the way I look at the things my kids do. She read me Proverbs 22:6 from the Amplified Bible,
“Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
And then she told me the meaning she had gotten from it. She said that when her kids, no matter how young, do things that are not really bad, but things they probably shoulldn’t do, she looks at it and asks the Lord, “Is this part of their gifting, and how can I turn it towards you?”
I am talking about things like taking a new toy apart to see what is inside, or trying to hide the wall they just painted on….not things that could potentially harm them or someone else.
I have seen things in my very young children that have enabled me to help them bring out their gifts, all because I have looked for them.
My oldest daughter used to love to empty my can cupboard. It drove me crazy…I wanted them the way I wanted them. But I let her do it,and she always arranged them by size. I always went back when she was through and arranged them by category, but then she would do it again the next day.
She is still, at 18, a very organized person. I know God has plans to use that gift for his glory.
My 20 year old son used to pretend everything was a guitar, ever since he was about 1 yr. old
He taught himself how to play at 14, and now is in the process of starting a worship team to reach the youth in our area.
As parents, it is our job to see the gifts, pray for wisdom on how to help those gifts develop, and help our kids have opportunities to use their gifts.
If we do these things, the whole body of Christ will benefit, and more people will be reached with the Gospel and come to know the Lord.
Seek out those gifts.

Loss…
Everyone will experience it at some time in their lives, and most more than once. Death is a fact of life, but knowing that doesn’t make it easy.
As a parent, I find it a challenge to explain death to my kids in a way they will understand. As a Christian, believing in God and having a hope beyond this life, I can do it easier than I would be able to otherwise.
We lost a wonderful friend, who happened to be our landlord, last week. The funeral is today.
When my 7 year old son found out about our friend, he sat there looking very sad for a minute.
I asked him if he was sad, and he nodded his head. I held out my arms for him and he came over and climbed onto my lap, trying very hard not to cry. I told him it was ok to cry if he was sad, and he did. He cried a lot for about 20 minutes, and we talked about what a special person our friend was, and how he always let Troy follow him around and help him fix things.
We talked about how our friend gave each one of the kids a special card every Christmas, and how we would miss him a lot.
Troy said he was happy that he knows he will see him again in heaven, and we talked about how heaven will be.
Death is never easy, but when we can be assured that a loved one knew God, and believed in Jesus as their savior, we have something that no-one else can offer. We have a way to rejoice, even in death.
The funeral today is going to be a celebration of a life lived in compassion and dedicated to loving others with the love of God.
Pray for us and rejoice with us as we celebrate life; old and new, on earth and in heaven.

Bryan Conner,( http://www.sympathypain.com ), asked for readers of his blog to share a story about how they found out they were going to have a baby. (see section”weekend assignment” in his blog). I wanted to share my answer to him here:

As the mom of 7, I have more than enough stories to entertain you, but I will keep it to my oldest son, second pregnancy.
Dan and I were very saddened when our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. We had been married three years, and wanted a baby very much.
When I still wasn’t pregnant two years later, we decided to seek medical advice. We were told that there was an 80% chance we would NEVER have kids, and maybe we should look at other options.
About 3 months later, I had been holding my new nephew, and was driven to tears on the way home from their house. Dan asked me what was wrong, and I said that I wanted a baby so much, but I was thinking it was never going to happen. I had gotten to the point where I would be in tears every month when my period came, because I was not pregnant. I had begun avoiding friends and relatives who were expecting, and was becoming bitter.
That night on ourway home, Dan and I prayed.
He prayed that within a year from that date (Oct.3, 1985), we would have had a baby.
I began to search scripture, looking for things about barrenness and motherhood. I was building up my faith to go along with our prayer.
When I got my period that month, I had perfect peace. Dan was amazed when he saw how I was about it. I told him that Inew God was going to answer our prayer.
The next month, I didn’t get my period…
or for 2 years after. I was pregnant with our oldest. We named him Joseph as a confession of our faith. Joseph means “God shall add.” We wanted many children, and as each one came along we would pray for the timing of the next, and God always honored our request. We have only used birth control for 6 months of our marriage, and that was after a very difficult pregnancy with our 4th child.
God has been gracious to us, and blessed us with all these wonderful children. I am very thankful.