Parenting and Religion

If you read my previous post, you know that a dear family member died in a way that is very difficult for those of us who loved him to handle. I wanted to share a few things I have learned since his death.
1) Never assume that you know what is going on inside anyone. I didn’t see my uncle more than once or twice a year in recent years, but he seemed just right to me when I did see him. Happy, looking forward to the future, and very giving and outgoing.

2) Trying to make sense out of something that doesn’t make sense, is senseless. It will never really make sense to those of us who are left to mourn his loss, why he did what he did. All we can do is go on, pray for comfort for each other, and do our best to live by remembering his life, rather than how he died.

3) Don’t wait to tell someone how much they mean to you. I have a huge extended family. My dad is one of seven kids, my mom is one of four. I am one of five, all of whom have children, and one has grandchildren. I have seven kids myself. With so many people, sometimes it is easy to not keep in touch, to not reach out, to only see each other when it just happens. Then, when a death occurs everyone in the family regrets not being closer and enjoying the company of everyone else in the family more. I am guilty of not telling people how much they mean to me. I find it hard to be emotion expressive, but I need to change that.

4) Death hurts. It hurts a lot. Especially when it was obviously avoidable. Healing comes slowly sometimes, but it will come.

5) Life is worth living, and change is worth waiting for. Sometimes we may feel like things will never change. Like we will be stuck with this particular problem forever. Life is cycle, and constantly changing. Some changes are easier to live with than others, but change is always there to help us get along in life, and to not be stuck in any situation that is unbearable.

6) God’s grace and mercy are bigger than anything we go through. If you are going through something, call on the Lord to give you what you need to get through it. When we go through hard times, it means we are coming to easier times. Hold on, pray, and stand firm.

I am sure there is more, but those are the things that God has made more clear to me in the last two weeks.
I am thankful for my family. I love them all.

Tragedy struck my family this week, in the form of death by choice.
Yes, suicide.
Death is difficult to understand at times, but when it is by the person’s own hand it is even more difficult to understand, perhaps impossible.
So, what does love do?

Love……….
for the remaining family; Our love for each other will help us all be strong, go on with life, and hopefully become so determined to not let anything like this strike us again, that we band together to be alright. Honesty, and recognition of the reality of the pain that can be hidden, may be the things that help us prevent another tragedy like this from ever happening again.

Love………
for the one who died; will help us to focus on the good memories, be sympathetic for what he must have been going through, and care more for each other in his memory.

Love………
of God; will be our strength, be our comfort, bring joy even in the midst of pain. The hope that comes only from faith in God, will enable us to forgive the one who is gone, and to count on seeing him again when we see God.

Love…………
is what enables us to hold on to God, hold on to each other, and become better- rather than bitter.

Remember, death is temporary.
Life is eternal- through Christ alone.
Life isn’t about what happens to us. Life is about what we do with what happens to us.
I choose to remember the good, even when I am angry and sad. Right now, I am angry and sad, but love is bigger than anger and will help me through the sadness.
I choose to remember, I choose to become better.
I choose love.

I had a revelation the other day, andi t has offered me a perspective that I didn’t have before.
My kids are growing up.
Now, I know I have said this before, but the revelation I got was awesome to me.
I suddenly realized that this is the first time in almost 23 years, that I have no little ones that I must keep my eyes on every minute. My youngest child is now old enough to go out to play with his older brothers, and I don’t have to supervise every moment. They can ride their bikes, play ball, and roller blade, with me checking on them every once in a while, rather than me having to be out there with them all the time.
For a long time I would get sad about not having little ones anymore.
Now, I am feeling the freedom that having older kids offers- and I LIKE IT!
I am beginning to really look forward to seeing what God has in store for me and my family, with this new freedom.
My perspective has changed, and my vision is beginning to clear from the busyness of being a mom of little ones.
My sights are becoming set on this new phase of life.
I know things are constantly changing, and that life is full of new things, but being here has never been before….and I want to make it count.
Being the mom of many is such a blessing.
As they grow up, I am enjoying each step along the way.
Now that they are all over 6, I am enjoying a freedom that has not been since I became a mom, a freedom that is different than before I became a mom, a freedom to still be needed, but also have time for other things in life.
Being mom is wonderful. I love it and wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Being a mom who has had the best makes it even better.
Once a mom, always a mom…..even when they grow up. (but free to also be the other parts of me).

I don’t know what summer is like for other families, but for us it is a change of the normal pace of things. More fun, more sun, and sometimes much busier than other times of the year may be.
One thing that I have decided to do in the midst of all the busyness, is to make time for at least one fun day a week. We have already begun taking a walk on a trail once a week (approximately) with the kids. I also plan on taking the kids to the park, to the beach (a lake beach….too far from the ocean), or a skate park or something at least once a week. In July and August there is a movie theatre that offers free family films twice a week, we will take advantage of that. Beyond that, August is full.
Camping, camping, and camping again.
First, camping at Kingdom Bound (Darien Lake), then at Shiloh campground where Dan will be preaching for a week, then at the Kids For Utica summer camp.
We also have two weddings this month, birthdays, and our 29th anniversary next month. With so much busyness, it is more important than ever to keep things stress free. One way we can do that, is to pray about things before we decide whether or not to add something to our schedule. Another thing we can do, is to keep our focus on doing the things that we already know are God’s will for our family, and that will benefit the family.

The last blog I wrote was about getting organized, getting rid of clutter. I have made a good dent, but there is still a ways to go. I think that is the one thing I needed to do to cut down on my own stress level.
Having less clutter makes me feel more free to enjoy doing the things that I want to do with the family. Summer is almost here, and the clutter is going. Fun, family, and busyness will be easier for me to relax with, knowing that I have more in order.
Now, to tackle the next area that will help me have more freedom…what else can I get rid of?

Isn’t it funny how inspiration can come in bursts, from unexpected sources, and with no warning?
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not the most organized person. I am a first born female, who has more to do than organize and clean. The things that I do keep well organized, seem to always stay that way. My scrapbooking supplies, my writing, and even my school supplies (to some degree).
Clutter seems to grow in our house, an 8 room duplex with 8 people living in it. I get overwhelmed, and then feel paralyzed about what to do and how to do it.
Yesterday I found a Bible study in the “This Old School House” magazine. It’s a homeschooling magazine that a friend gave me a copy of. (I highly recommend it!) The Bible study was about organizing an area, a room, or even more. As I read the study and looked up the scriptures, I became inspired.
So, today, guess what I am doing?
Organizing!
That’s right, me….organizing my office and dining room.
They have to be done together, because half of what is in the dining room belongs in the office….see, I really am a true disorganized person!
Anyhow, the first step is to pray. I have been doing that, I have my coffee (vanilla spice from Duncan Donuts), and as soon as I publish this, I will begin to work…I guess I’ll be busy for a while, it is really bad! (Just ask anyone who has been to my house in the last month or so….clutter to the max!)

There are so many things going on in the world today, that when most of us middle aged or older people were children, we never would have imagined happening. With advances in technology that could make your head spin if you try to keep up, diseases that were never even heard of thirty years or so ago, and a world in such disawray and disagreement that you never know when a major war or attack will happen, or even where, there are some things we can pray about, seek God’s wisdom on, and make decisions about ahead of time.
One of those things is new medications and new immunizations.
I have never been big on having my kids receive every immunization available, and have gotten into many disagreements with doctors over my stand against certain ones. Then, I have also been praised and even applauded by pharmacists for standing against them.
I guess there isn’t even real agreement in the medical world about what is best, so what are we as Christian parents to do?
Ask God. Don’t think I am a fanatic or anything (even though I might be..lol), but I believe that He will lead us with peace and wisdom when it comes to doing what is best for our own kids. I also believe that just because I think something is best for my kids, doesn’t necessarily mean that the same thing is best for your kids.
Another thing that you might want to consider praying about and making a decision about now, is the government changes that will be taking place, I believe very soon.
There are things going on behind the scenes that we don’t know about. Where will you stand when your religious freedoms and liberties are threatened?
Being told that you may go to prison for reading the Bible to your children, or making them go to church, may actually happen within our lifetime. Where will you stand?
Using wisdom simply means that you pray, and let God speak to your heart on these and other matters.
Dan and I made decisions about how we would raise our kids before we had kids. We decided that we would never tell them they are ‘bad’, or talk down to them. We have been able to stick by it because we knew ahead of time what we would and would not do.
The same principle can be applied to anything in the future.
It is never too early to begin asking God what He will want you to do if……

Recently my six year old son asked me, “Doesn’t it seem strange that your youngest will be seven this year?” Now, either someone else told him to ask me that, or I talk about how fast my kids are growing up too often. Most likely the latter.
It’s true though. They grow up much faster than expected.
Dan and I have two sets of kids. The first group is the oldest four, ages from 15-23 in July. The second group is the last three, ages 6-12 in two weeks.
When I look at my older kids, I sometimes have flashbacks of when they were younger. It’s quite similar to that commercial where the little girl comes in and asks her dad for the keys to the car. He is seeing her at about age six, but when he throws her the keys, she is really about 18.
I have had similar flashbacks, and they have a way of opening the eyes to how fast life goes by.
I’m thankful for the flashbacks, they keep me in the frame of mind to enjoy each experience, each moment, whether good or bad. They remind me to remember on purpose, and to try to give my family my best.
When my kids are all grown, and raising their own children, I want them to remember their childhood with fondness. I want them to cherish the family time, the dinners together, the walks along trails, and the silly games. I want them to remember being little, while I still see them that way.
Cherish the time, it is short.

Keeping your marriage alive is not something that may always be easy, or that just happens. Dan and I were talking about some of the circumstances many couples find themselves in, and how the easy way may seem like the way to go sometimes, but it isn’t always the best way.
So often divorce may seem like the only thing to do. In rare instances it may be the best alternative, but not for nearly as many as do happen.
We had a marriage seminar at church recently, and the teacher made the point that most couples who divorce, do so because they don’t see a way out of things being the way they are ‘right now’.
When the hard times hit, and they do for every couple, having a agreement to do your part, praying together for the situation, and waiting it out, may help you not to give in to the quick fix temptation, which will really not fix anything, but will have the power to destroy much.
Having a marriage that is growing, staying close to each other, and making your relationship a priority, will go a long way in giving you both the ability to stick when things are not so easy.
Look at it this way, waiting may not be the easy way, but when things do change you will be glad you waited it out.
Marriage is supposed to a forever thing. Giving up too early can bring devastating results. When you make the decision together, to work things through, talk things out, and sometimes even wait, you are making the decision to increase your chances of living happily ever after.

With the things going on in the world right now, there is a lot that we can be fearful of and feel threatened by. That is, we can enter into and allow fear to direct us, if we allow ourselves to.
Wars, economic difficulties, swine flu, and many other threats to our safety and the safety of our children are being thrown at us each minute of each day. I suggest you read Revelation chapter 6, and ask God to show you what is happening.
As far as being threatened and living in faith goes, that is also an each moment of each day thing. The main difference is, we have to build up our faith on purpose, and pray for ourselves, our children, and the rest of our families.
We also have a weapon to use to ward off the threat and the fear that may try to accompany it- the BIBLE!
One great chapter that you can pray over your family is Psalm 91. Take it for yourself, and apply it daily. That will help you stay in faith during a threat.
There are also many other scriptures that can be applied to your life. Finding one that pertains to your situation, whether it be healing, safety, income, salvation, or any other concern, is not difficult. There is even a website that may be just the tool you need to help you find a wod to stand on. http://www.biblegateway.com . It has a search tool that will allow you to look for a keyword that will be applicable.
Standing in faith in the midst of a threat will be what keeps us strong.

So often it can be tempting to hide reality. Nobody wants others to see their flaws. We all know that nobody is perfect, but when it comes to people seeing how imperfect we really are, we will do all we can to hide it.
One thing that has been on my mind lately, is the need in the church (those who call themselves Christians) is that before any of us can effectively minister to others, and that should be what we do, we need to take care of the things that so easily entrap us.
If I’m (we’re) not going to be honest before the Lord, and ask Him to show me (us) where I’m (we’re) missing it, then how can I (we) effectively minister to others?
In order to minister to the needs of others, I have to have my own life in order. I have to at least be willing to recognize and admit my own challenges, downfallings, and imperfections to the Lord, and maybe to some other people, before I can take the steps needed to bring those things into the place where I am having victory over them in my life, and then I can minister to others.
That isn’t to say that I have to be perfect. (Like that will ever happen!..haha) Afterall, I am human.
I do, however, have to realize that I need God to help me, ask for help, and be taking steps to grow in the Lord, and overcome the things that I struggle with.
If I pretend I am doing well, when I’m not at all, then my desire to help others will fail. If I am real, admitting that I don’t have it all together, then I will be able to minister more effectively.
As a parent, this also holds true. Who am I to minister to first?
My family.
Being honest with them about my imperfections, my struggles, and my need for their support must come before I can effectively minister to them.
I’m not saying we have to lay it all out on the table. I am saying that we need to stop playing church, and be real.
We need to stop acting like we have it all together, and realize that the only way we can have it all together is to be together through it all. Be real, be honest, ask for help when needed, ask for prayer, and pray for ourselves.
Ministering the Gospel, whether to our families, or to the world, can only be done with positive results if we take care of being real first.

A comment one of my kids made recently made me stop and really think about something. Am I a copy or an original?
He made the comment on a social networking site that one of the problems in the church, and in the world, at least in his opinion, is that there are many people who think they are Christians because they decide to live and take on the Christian lifestyle. They may never have a true heart change, acknowledge Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, or even believe they are honestly, eternally saved. They are in turn, a copy (though artificial) of what those who are honestly born again are.
What am I?
As I searched my heart, I came to the conclusion that I am an original. Not because I live a perfect life (believe me, I don’t), and not because I am good enough. I am only an original because of the saving grace that I found in Christ.
That’s what it all comes down to. Being honest and admitting that He is the only reason I am saved….His grace, His mercy, and His death and Resurrection- all so I could be saved from eternal damnation.
As a matter of fact, He did those things for all of us. The difference is, I accepted the forgiveness offered in the sacrifice of His life, and the offer God makes of saving me.
How about you?
Are you an original?
You are a good person, I am sure. But that isn’t good enough. The only way to be saved it through the believing in your heart that Jesus Christ is Lord, and that God raised Him from the dead, and the confession of your mouth that He is your Savior. (Romans 10:9). Living the lifestyle is good, but it won’t save your soul. Being born again will….that is the difference.

Integrity.
What does it mean to you? To me it means doing what I say I will do, being honest with others in my personal life and my business life, and being willing to make things right when I know they haven’t been.
I saw a wonderful example of Integrity this week, in one of my children. I saw an example that is inspiring to me, not only as a parent, but as a Christian.
Last summer my son was allowed to go on a trip he really wanted to go on. The deal was that he would pay for it, but that the people who were in charge would put the funds up front for him. There was no real time frame suggested.
He ended up getting a job a few months ago, and began to save his money. Now, he couldn’t remember exactly how much he owed them, but rather than ask them, he gave them above what he knew the minimum would be and told them to keep it as an offering to their ministry.
In the process of taking care of this debt, he told me that he wanted them to know that teens are trustworthy. He wanted to leave them with the impression that they could go on doing things like this for young people, and not be ripped off. He wanted to help them do this again with his offering.
Now, as a parent that makes me proud. As a Christian it actually makes me feel a little convicted about some of the things I haven’t made right, that I need to make right. Not just in the financial end of things, but in other areas.
When I say I will pray for someone, sometimes I honestly forget- especially if I don’t do it right away. That is not being a woman of Integrity.
When I borrow something from someone, I am not usually very fast at returning it.
I am challenged to change.
Learning from the kids is wonderful. Applying it to life will have to be done on purpose.

Taking life seriously enough to take our commision seriously, means raising our children to take the commision seriously.
Thinking about that, it amazes me how many Christian parents won’t encourage, or let their children be involved in ministering to other children.
Sure, sometimes it may be because they don’t know of an outlet for them ministerially. But most often, to my observation, fear is what keeps parents from letting thier kids minister.
Fear of having some attrocity done to their child.
Fear of them learning bad behavior from other children who may not know better.
Fear of the kids being influenced with bad language, or coarse jesting.
When you let your kids be ministers to other kids, some of that may happen. But do you know what else is more likely to happen?
The kids being ministered to will have their lives changed by being shown the love of God.
Your children will learn how to reach out to others, to people of all ages.
Your children will learn what gifts God has placed within them.
Your children will see that God uses children, as well as adults.
Your children will have a sense of purpose, knowing they are doing good for others, and being used for the glory of God.
I don’t know about you, but I refuse to let fear rule what I allow my kids to do. If God leads me there, He will protect them there.

Sometimes it seems like life can get so busy, that we forget to take time for fun. This time of year, with spring sports starting, spring cleaning, trying to get ready for summer, getting all the school work done (especially if you homeschool as I do), and just being busy with life in general, can take so much time and attention that we forget to take time with our kids and have some fun.
The moments we do take may feel rushed, like there is so much we should be doing. When attention is taken by what is pressing, it can interrupt the time we spend with family.
One way to help correct that, is to make having fun with the kids a priority. Think about how they will remember it. Think of the memories you are building for a lifetime of family bonding.
Think about the things you enjoyed with your own parents, or the things you wish they would have taken more time for.
Make a committment to keeping the fun time stress free. Keep the mood light, and the humor high.
Being together is the important thing.
When you take time to have fun with your kids, you are showing them love in ways that nothing else will.