Parenting and Religion

Being busy is a part of life the seems to come in seasons. There is so much going on with us this summer, that I have come to the conclusion that life just goes smoother, when I think about one thing at a time.
This weekend we- all 11 of us and a couple more- are going to Kingdom Bound at Darien Lake Theme Park. Now, I am planning what to bring, travel arrangements, meals, schedules, sleeping arrangements, and everything else that going away for a few days requires.
That is as far as I’ve gotten with my planning.
There is, however, much more going on than that. Two days after we get home, we leave to go to a Christian campground for a week. I can’t even begin to plan for that, other than to consider meals and time of departure.
When we get home from that, the little guys and I are going to another Christian camp two days later…..no planning yet, other than knowing when we are leaving and when we are coming home.
In the meantime, I need to get my school year planned out, shop with Shawn for the clothes he will need when he leaves on August 21 to spend the year with New Life Drama, write when I can (money helps make the plans go on), and be a wife and mom doing all the somewhat normal things I do.
Now, we make our plans, and God laughs.
Life is what happens when the plans are being made. Life is what happens when we aren’t paying attention.
I have decided to not pay much attention, to more than one thing at a time.
It’s working for me.
I am pretty much stress free……but then again, the stress of the day before we leave may get me yet.
Plans, yes. Prayer, more.
Please include me in your prayers, as I make my plans. I need them.

As a parent, there are always decisions to make. Each day, each age, each new season, offers parents an opportunity to make a good decision, a mediocre decision, or a bad decision, on the behalf of their children.
One thing that has been pushed by the medical community and by the government for many years, is immunizing children. Not only with immunizations that have been around and tested well for many years, but also with new ones, such as the H1N1 vaccine they are developing. Or, if you prefer a more common term, the Swine Flu Vaccine.
I have already made my decision on this. Have you considered it?
With the new school year soon to begin, and a more widespread flu than was expected over the summer months, the push to have a vaccine for all children to receive, is on.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I don’t do something just because the doctor says I should- whether it be for me or my children. I investigate it myself.
I have looked into this, as I have other vaccines. Like some of the others, this will be one that my children won’t get.
I also don’t allow them to receive the chicken pox vaccine, the hepatitis B vaccine, or the HPV vaccine. I don’t let the doctors give them the MMR and the DPT together, and insist on at least a three month wait in between those two.
I have signed forms at the pediatricians office that state that I am non compliant with the doctors recommendations for particular vaccines, and have been accused of putting my children at risk.
I see it different. I think that as long as a parent is informed and has considered all possibilities, they have the right and the obligation to their children, to make such decisions on their behalf.
The history of coming up with new vaccines and pushing them through has had some devastating results. Look at the swine flu of the 1970’s.
Tough Decisions? yes.
Will you always make the right ones? Maybe not.
Should you have the option to make the wrong decision? Absolutely. You are the parent. Not the Government.

The last post I wrote was about abuse, and in my neighborhood. I had some good advice from many people come from that. I have also seen my own kids being more appreciative of our way of handling things in the last few days.
Isn’t it something how knowing the horror that some people go through in life can change your perspective about your own life?
I have had many women who have come to me for advice, support, and encouragement in one area or another. I always come away with even more of an appreciation of my own life.
Not that it’s perfect. We have financial struggles, health challenges, parenting challenges, a marriage that though not perfect, is continually being worked to make better- by both of us.
We also face difficult decisions, temptations, and trials.
The reason I come away more appreciative, is that when I minister to other women, I am ministering to myself also. It’s almost like I am letting God show me areas in my own life that may be similar to the life of the other woman, where I need to change, grow, and surrender to Him.
One of the challenges I face in that, is to not grow weary. Not become hard. There are some days that I just plain don’t want to be bothered. When I don’t get enough rest, when I am not feeling at my best, or when I haven’t been in the Word enough- I can very easily become weary.
My goal in this life is to always have something to offer. To always be an open vessle to be used by Him. To be growing and able to give of myself, to help others.
So, I guess I need to take care of me. That means learning from the lives of others, getting enough rest, staying strong in the Lord, building myself up in the Word, and letting God use the lives of those I minister to, to touch me.
I have to- my life depends on it.

Knowing what to do isn’t always easy. I had a situation today, that I think may offer some light as to what to do later. Today, I didn’t know what to do, and whether I should do anything other than pray.
There’s a new family in my neighborhood. One of the kids is 13, and a chronic liar. He is also one of those kids my heart weeps over. I knew as soon as I met him that his life is not what he should have to live. Now, I know for sure.
One of my kids saw this boy being dragged into his house tonight by his mother. That wasn’t all he saw. He saw the stepfather begin hitting the boy.
My son was very upset that this kid, who is a liar and a bully of sorts, was being abused by his parents.
Now, we have a dilemma. I didn’t see anything.
I didn’t hear anything.
My son did.
I called a friend who used to be a neighbor of this family, and she told me that there is commonly yelling, things breaking, and other noise coming from their house. But she has never seen any physical abuse.
My dilemma.
Deciding to be involved in a situation that would be easier to turn away from, yet I can’t.
I have decided that I will be keeping my eyes and ears on the situation, and trying to get closer to this kid. Maybe he will trust me enough to tell me the truth. I think he’s becoming afraid to lie to me, because I told him I can tell when people are lying.
I’ll pray for his safety, and his salvation.
I’ll also pray for wisdom and that I have the courage to take a step I really don’t want to take if I see or hear of him being beaten again.
I’m a coward, I know. I like my own comfortable little family, and would love to think that family life is like this for all families. But, the sad truth is- it isn’t.

There is the threat of thunderstorms today, as there has been all week. When I was contemplating the amount of storms raging in this area this week, and how much of an interruption they have been to my plans, I was reminded of how the storms of life can interrupt the things of life.
Storms in the family have a way of disrupting and interrupting relationships.
Storms on the job may have a way of bringing more stress, and possibly putting your job at risk.
Storms that attack your body, such as illness or insomnia, may attack your lifestyle.
Storms that attack your mind, fear, discouragement, and doubt, may attack your faith.
Storms that happen to those around you may make you wonder if it can happen to you too.
One of the ways to not let the storms of life interrupt life, is to know in whom you believe. If you are a believer in Christ as your savior, you have an anchor to hold you and keep you through any storm.
Another thing you can do to make sure the storms don’t disrupt life, is to have a plan about how you will handle possible storms. If you plan your reactions to the things that could throw you off, you will have more staying power. It will be a storm shelter of sorts.
Living through a storm may change some things, and there may be challenges along the way. Knowing you will make it through the storm, and be a better person, having learned how to handle the storms better, will carry you far.
Storms, they happen sometimes with no warning. But when you have your faith, and you have your plan, you will go through them and be stronger when the next one comes along.

Yes, letting go of the kids is a process. At least for me it is.
I have a much easier time when change, or the next level of life comes, if I remind myself that it is coming, and that it is a good thing.
I know that I need to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for the change or the growth that is coming. One way I do that, is to think about life, the normal things of life, and remind myself that my kids are only mine to raise and to love.
Dan and I both know, and agree, that the goal of parenting is more than ending up with adult children.
It is to end up having done the job so well, that we know they know right from wrong.
It’s having taught them the ways of God, and knowing that they have made good decisions, and hopefully God decisions.
It’s in a way, trusting the Lord to keep His word to us, to protect and guide our kids as they move on.
It’s deciding to step back and watch, but be willing to offer an opinion or guidance when asked for.
It’s making the decision to give back the gift that God blessed us with, having done everything we know how to in raising them for Him.

Parenting is forever, but in the process we must let them go.
That’s the way God designed it, and He has our best and their best in mind.
The process of letting go doesn’t happen over night. It begins the moment you become a parent.
The only thing is, you may not realize it and prepare yourself for it, unless you see it coming.
First steps, whether those first baby steps, or those first steps out into the world, are exciting for the child, and scary for the parent.
Letting go, and letting God, will help.

If you read my previous post, you know that a dear family member died in a way that is very difficult for those of us who loved him to handle. I wanted to share a few things I have learned since his death.
1) Never assume that you know what is going on inside anyone. I didn’t see my uncle more than once or twice a year in recent years, but he seemed just right to me when I did see him. Happy, looking forward to the future, and very giving and outgoing.

2) Trying to make sense out of something that doesn’t make sense, is senseless. It will never really make sense to those of us who are left to mourn his loss, why he did what he did. All we can do is go on, pray for comfort for each other, and do our best to live by remembering his life, rather than how he died.

3) Don’t wait to tell someone how much they mean to you. I have a huge extended family. My dad is one of seven kids, my mom is one of four. I am one of five, all of whom have children, and one has grandchildren. I have seven kids myself. With so many people, sometimes it is easy to not keep in touch, to not reach out, to only see each other when it just happens. Then, when a death occurs everyone in the family regrets not being closer and enjoying the company of everyone else in the family more. I am guilty of not telling people how much they mean to me. I find it hard to be emotion expressive, but I need to change that.

4) Death hurts. It hurts a lot. Especially when it was obviously avoidable. Healing comes slowly sometimes, but it will come.

5) Life is worth living, and change is worth waiting for. Sometimes we may feel like things will never change. Like we will be stuck with this particular problem forever. Life is cycle, and constantly changing. Some changes are easier to live with than others, but change is always there to help us get along in life, and to not be stuck in any situation that is unbearable.

6) God’s grace and mercy are bigger than anything we go through. If you are going through something, call on the Lord to give you what you need to get through it. When we go through hard times, it means we are coming to easier times. Hold on, pray, and stand firm.

I am sure there is more, but those are the things that God has made more clear to me in the last two weeks.
I am thankful for my family. I love them all.

Tragedy struck my family this week, in the form of death by choice.
Yes, suicide.
Death is difficult to understand at times, but when it is by the person’s own hand it is even more difficult to understand, perhaps impossible.
So, what does love do?

Love……….
for the remaining family; Our love for each other will help us all be strong, go on with life, and hopefully become so determined to not let anything like this strike us again, that we band together to be alright. Honesty, and recognition of the reality of the pain that can be hidden, may be the things that help us prevent another tragedy like this from ever happening again.

Love………
for the one who died; will help us to focus on the good memories, be sympathetic for what he must have been going through, and care more for each other in his memory.

Love………
of God; will be our strength, be our comfort, bring joy even in the midst of pain. The hope that comes only from faith in God, will enable us to forgive the one who is gone, and to count on seeing him again when we see God.

Love…………
is what enables us to hold on to God, hold on to each other, and become better- rather than bitter.

Remember, death is temporary.
Life is eternal- through Christ alone.
Life isn’t about what happens to us. Life is about what we do with what happens to us.
I choose to remember the good, even when I am angry and sad. Right now, I am angry and sad, but love is bigger than anger and will help me through the sadness.
I choose to remember, I choose to become better.
I choose love.

I had a revelation the other day, andi t has offered me a perspective that I didn’t have before.
My kids are growing up.
Now, I know I have said this before, but the revelation I got was awesome to me.
I suddenly realized that this is the first time in almost 23 years, that I have no little ones that I must keep my eyes on every minute. My youngest child is now old enough to go out to play with his older brothers, and I don’t have to supervise every moment. They can ride their bikes, play ball, and roller blade, with me checking on them every once in a while, rather than me having to be out there with them all the time.
For a long time I would get sad about not having little ones anymore.
Now, I am feeling the freedom that having older kids offers- and I LIKE IT!
I am beginning to really look forward to seeing what God has in store for me and my family, with this new freedom.
My perspective has changed, and my vision is beginning to clear from the busyness of being a mom of little ones.
My sights are becoming set on this new phase of life.
I know things are constantly changing, and that life is full of new things, but being here has never been before….and I want to make it count.
Being the mom of many is such a blessing.
As they grow up, I am enjoying each step along the way.
Now that they are all over 6, I am enjoying a freedom that has not been since I became a mom, a freedom that is different than before I became a mom, a freedom to still be needed, but also have time for other things in life.
Being mom is wonderful. I love it and wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Being a mom who has had the best makes it even better.
Once a mom, always a mom…..even when they grow up. (but free to also be the other parts of me).

I don’t know what summer is like for other families, but for us it is a change of the normal pace of things. More fun, more sun, and sometimes much busier than other times of the year may be.
One thing that I have decided to do in the midst of all the busyness, is to make time for at least one fun day a week. We have already begun taking a walk on a trail once a week (approximately) with the kids. I also plan on taking the kids to the park, to the beach (a lake beach….too far from the ocean), or a skate park or something at least once a week. In July and August there is a movie theatre that offers free family films twice a week, we will take advantage of that. Beyond that, August is full.
Camping, camping, and camping again.
First, camping at Kingdom Bound (Darien Lake), then at Shiloh campground where Dan will be preaching for a week, then at the Kids For Utica summer camp.
We also have two weddings this month, birthdays, and our 29th anniversary next month. With so much busyness, it is more important than ever to keep things stress free. One way we can do that, is to pray about things before we decide whether or not to add something to our schedule. Another thing we can do, is to keep our focus on doing the things that we already know are God’s will for our family, and that will benefit the family.

The last blog I wrote was about getting organized, getting rid of clutter. I have made a good dent, but there is still a ways to go. I think that is the one thing I needed to do to cut down on my own stress level.
Having less clutter makes me feel more free to enjoy doing the things that I want to do with the family. Summer is almost here, and the clutter is going. Fun, family, and busyness will be easier for me to relax with, knowing that I have more in order.
Now, to tackle the next area that will help me have more freedom…what else can I get rid of?

Isn’t it funny how inspiration can come in bursts, from unexpected sources, and with no warning?
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not the most organized person. I am a first born female, who has more to do than organize and clean. The things that I do keep well organized, seem to always stay that way. My scrapbooking supplies, my writing, and even my school supplies (to some degree).
Clutter seems to grow in our house, an 8 room duplex with 8 people living in it. I get overwhelmed, and then feel paralyzed about what to do and how to do it.
Yesterday I found a Bible study in the “This Old School House” magazine. It’s a homeschooling magazine that a friend gave me a copy of. (I highly recommend it!) The Bible study was about organizing an area, a room, or even more. As I read the study and looked up the scriptures, I became inspired.
So, today, guess what I am doing?
Organizing!
That’s right, me….organizing my office and dining room.
They have to be done together, because half of what is in the dining room belongs in the office….see, I really am a true disorganized person!
Anyhow, the first step is to pray. I have been doing that, I have my coffee (vanilla spice from Duncan Donuts), and as soon as I publish this, I will begin to work…I guess I’ll be busy for a while, it is really bad! (Just ask anyone who has been to my house in the last month or so….clutter to the max!)

There are so many things going on in the world today, that when most of us middle aged or older people were children, we never would have imagined happening. With advances in technology that could make your head spin if you try to keep up, diseases that were never even heard of thirty years or so ago, and a world in such disawray and disagreement that you never know when a major war or attack will happen, or even where, there are some things we can pray about, seek God’s wisdom on, and make decisions about ahead of time.
One of those things is new medications and new immunizations.
I have never been big on having my kids receive every immunization available, and have gotten into many disagreements with doctors over my stand against certain ones. Then, I have also been praised and even applauded by pharmacists for standing against them.
I guess there isn’t even real agreement in the medical world about what is best, so what are we as Christian parents to do?
Ask God. Don’t think I am a fanatic or anything (even though I might be..lol), but I believe that He will lead us with peace and wisdom when it comes to doing what is best for our own kids. I also believe that just because I think something is best for my kids, doesn’t necessarily mean that the same thing is best for your kids.
Another thing that you might want to consider praying about and making a decision about now, is the government changes that will be taking place, I believe very soon.
There are things going on behind the scenes that we don’t know about. Where will you stand when your religious freedoms and liberties are threatened?
Being told that you may go to prison for reading the Bible to your children, or making them go to church, may actually happen within our lifetime. Where will you stand?
Using wisdom simply means that you pray, and let God speak to your heart on these and other matters.
Dan and I made decisions about how we would raise our kids before we had kids. We decided that we would never tell them they are ‘bad’, or talk down to them. We have been able to stick by it because we knew ahead of time what we would and would not do.
The same principle can be applied to anything in the future.
It is never too early to begin asking God what He will want you to do if……

Recently my six year old son asked me, “Doesn’t it seem strange that your youngest will be seven this year?” Now, either someone else told him to ask me that, or I talk about how fast my kids are growing up too often. Most likely the latter.
It’s true though. They grow up much faster than expected.
Dan and I have two sets of kids. The first group is the oldest four, ages from 15-23 in July. The second group is the last three, ages 6-12 in two weeks.
When I look at my older kids, I sometimes have flashbacks of when they were younger. It’s quite similar to that commercial where the little girl comes in and asks her dad for the keys to the car. He is seeing her at about age six, but when he throws her the keys, she is really about 18.
I have had similar flashbacks, and they have a way of opening the eyes to how fast life goes by.
I’m thankful for the flashbacks, they keep me in the frame of mind to enjoy each experience, each moment, whether good or bad. They remind me to remember on purpose, and to try to give my family my best.
When my kids are all grown, and raising their own children, I want them to remember their childhood with fondness. I want them to cherish the family time, the dinners together, the walks along trails, and the silly games. I want them to remember being little, while I still see them that way.
Cherish the time, it is short.

Keeping your marriage alive is not something that may always be easy, or that just happens. Dan and I were talking about some of the circumstances many couples find themselves in, and how the easy way may seem like the way to go sometimes, but it isn’t always the best way.
So often divorce may seem like the only thing to do. In rare instances it may be the best alternative, but not for nearly as many as do happen.
We had a marriage seminar at church recently, and the teacher made the point that most couples who divorce, do so because they don’t see a way out of things being the way they are ‘right now’.
When the hard times hit, and they do for every couple, having a agreement to do your part, praying together for the situation, and waiting it out, may help you not to give in to the quick fix temptation, which will really not fix anything, but will have the power to destroy much.
Having a marriage that is growing, staying close to each other, and making your relationship a priority, will go a long way in giving you both the ability to stick when things are not so easy.
Look at it this way, waiting may not be the easy way, but when things do change you will be glad you waited it out.
Marriage is supposed to a forever thing. Giving up too early can bring devastating results. When you make the decision together, to work things through, talk things out, and sometimes even wait, you are making the decision to increase your chances of living happily ever after.

With the things going on in the world right now, there is a lot that we can be fearful of and feel threatened by. That is, we can enter into and allow fear to direct us, if we allow ourselves to.
Wars, economic difficulties, swine flu, and many other threats to our safety and the safety of our children are being thrown at us each minute of each day. I suggest you read Revelation chapter 6, and ask God to show you what is happening.
As far as being threatened and living in faith goes, that is also an each moment of each day thing. The main difference is, we have to build up our faith on purpose, and pray for ourselves, our children, and the rest of our families.
We also have a weapon to use to ward off the threat and the fear that may try to accompany it- the BIBLE!
One great chapter that you can pray over your family is Psalm 91. Take it for yourself, and apply it daily. That will help you stay in faith during a threat.
There are also many other scriptures that can be applied to your life. Finding one that pertains to your situation, whether it be healing, safety, income, salvation, or any other concern, is not difficult. There is even a website that may be just the tool you need to help you find a wod to stand on. http://www.biblegateway.com . It has a search tool that will allow you to look for a keyword that will be applicable.
Standing in faith in the midst of a threat will be what keeps us strong.